Ongezellig
IAZ and soft NAZ
ZWABAG
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>>129010
writergegbvll did this in the second chapter of his fanfic (which also took three months, kek!)
writergegbvll did this in the second chapter of his fanfic (which also took three months, kek!)
>>129043
gegbvll even though you're the only person who cares about him
gegbvll even though you're the only person who cares about him
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>>129055
Do you have like 15 minutes to spare and want to read another maya suicide attempt fic, but this time authored by a chud with personal experience (her eyes would be more bloodshot btw) instead of the usual reddit esl writertroons?
Do you have like 15 minutes to spare and want to read another maya suicide attempt fic, but this time authored by a chud with personal experience (her eyes would be more bloodshot btw) instead of the usual reddit esl writertroons?
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>>129057
>not reading text with zero pictures i am an imageboardcaca and i need my pictures and picture books and lust inducing images to concentraterino!
>not reading text with zero pictures i am an imageboardcaca and i need my pictures and picture books and lust inducing images to concentraterino!
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>I like some of Massa's artworks, but what the fuck does he know about writing?
>>129057
Writergod if you’re here, it’s pretty good, much better than most ao3 slop, I’m just leaking because I’m sick of Maya suicide stories and there are faggots in your comments.
If you want feedback, I have a few actual notes.
Don’t use redundant imagery like describing the smell of wet concrete as damp, ears that painfully ache, or that a spasm is “awful” when you also characterized it much better as “like molten daggers”. At best the weaker words just hold back the stronger ones, at worst they make the whole thing weaker.
Try to avoid repeated phrases unless it’s for a specific effect. You use “just get it over with” well in chapter one to build the tension, but in part two you use “a bit of drool rolled down her chin” twice within a few lines, and end two sentences in a row with “all together” in the hospital.
Be careful about using the (pronoun + sensory/ thought verb) combination, because it usually comes off as filtering. “Coco could see her friends waving to her from under a tree” and “Coco knew that the nurse was probably exhausted” are telling, but “her friends waved to her from under a tree” and “the nurse was probably exhausted” are showing. You didn’t do it much, but it adds separation between the reader and the character, which can be useful at times if you want impersonality, but plays against the writing when we know Coco’s thoughts.
Writergod if you’re here, it’s pretty good, much better than most ao3 slop, I’m just leaking because I’m sick of Maya suicide stories and there are faggots in your comments.
If you want feedback, I have a few actual notes.
Don’t use redundant imagery like describing the smell of wet concrete as damp, ears that painfully ache, or that a spasm is “awful” when you also characterized it much better as “like molten daggers”. At best the weaker words just hold back the stronger ones, at worst they make the whole thing weaker.
Try to avoid repeated phrases unless it’s for a specific effect. You use “just get it over with” well in chapter one to build the tension, but in part two you use “a bit of drool rolled down her chin” twice within a few lines, and end two sentences in a row with “all together” in the hospital.
Be careful about using the (pronoun + sensory/ thought verb) combination, because it usually comes off as filtering. “Coco could see her friends waving to her from under a tree” and “Coco knew that the nurse was probably exhausted” are telling, but “her friends waved to her from under a tree” and “the nurse was probably exhausted” are showing. You didn’t do it much, but it adds separation between the reader and the character, which can be useful at times if you want impersonality, but plays against the writing when we know Coco’s thoughts.
>>129060
when you are going to criticize writerfailcaca, that's how you should do it
when you are going to criticize writerfailcaca, that's how you should do it
>>129060
maya suicide is a mass obsession brought on from the shame of being a brown third worlder
maya suicide is a mass obsession brought on from the shame of being a brown third worlder
I've read a few fics on AO3 and gave some of them a chance. I spent like 7 hours reading A Search for Maya and the twist was so retarded it made me unreasonably angry for some time
>>129064
I skimmed it and this shit is nearly unreadable. If the twist you’re talking about is how Maya “disappeared” by hiding in the attic with Ravi’s help, I would be pissed too if I had actually read it. As if Ravi would let his wife and other daughters think Maya was likely dead for weeks and lead the cops on a wild goose chase, instead of taking her to a therapist or mental facility. And there’s somehow seven more chapters of this coal yet to come.
Best part was writerkek sperging in the comments about how boring it was.
I skimmed it and this shit is nearly unreadable. If the twist you’re talking about is how Maya “disappeared” by hiding in the attic with Ravi’s help, I would be pissed too if I had actually read it. As if Ravi would let his wife and other daughters think Maya was likely dead for weeks and lead the cops on a wild goose chase, instead of taking her to a therapist or mental facility. And there’s somehow seven more chapters of this coal yet to come.
Best part was writerkek sperging in the comments about how boring it was.
>>129066
I don't want to coal my brain up by reading shitty fucking AO3s I already had my fair share with SG
I don't want to coal my brain up by reading shitty fucking AO3s I already had my fair share with SG
>>129055
i thought it was interesting.
i liked how one of the minor characters actually felt like a character, which is pretty surprising
i thought it was interesting.
i liked how one of the minor characters actually felt like a character, which is pretty surprising
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>>129117
no he meant sugar glider
no he meant sugar glider
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>Zaryan No.128880
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>>129049
this got me to browse some other fics on the site and...
this got me to browse some other fics on the site and...
>>129166
Writercacas on their way to write the most raunchy self insert porn known to mankind on some shitty website
Writercacas on their way to write the most raunchy self insert porn known to mankind on some shitty website
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>>129051
>writerfail
<here's my """shitty""" and """substanceless""" text that took me sixteen thrembillion years to write. tell me why it sucks (be specific)
>savioeball/autism_denial_disorder
^here's my deep, substanceful, ai generated wall of text that took me 5 prompts to write (very hard). please praise me.
>writerfail
<here's my """shitty""" and """substanceless""" text that took me sixteen thrembillion years to write. tell me why it sucks (be specific)
>savioeball/autism_denial_disorder
^here's my deep, substanceful, ai generated wall of text that took me 5 prompts to write (very hard). please praise me.
>>129174
A girl of whimsy:An Ongezellig Tale.
Shit was so bad when I finish it just had to be deleted
A girl of whimsy:An Ongezellig Tale.
Shit was so bad when I finish it just had to be deleted
>>129175
people probably wouldve liked it considering people think 10 Dutch Days is peak
people probably wouldve liked it considering people think 10 Dutch Days is peak
>>129178
redditpiggies will eat whatever slop that gets shit out
redditpiggies will eat whatever slop that gets shit out
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>>129177
>peak
IT'S GEM WE SAY GEM HERE, PEAKS ARE FOR AUSTRIAN FAGGOTS WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO AND ONCE THEY REACH THIS "PEAK" THEY SPREAD THEIR ASS AND USE IT AS A DILDO, WE INSTEAD SPEND COUNTLESS HOURS MINING WITH GRIT AND EFFORT INTO THE MINES BELOW TO EXTRACT THE MOST HIGH KARATE SPINE TINGLING GEMS, AS ZOOT SAID
>peak
IT'S GEM WE SAY GEM HERE, PEAKS ARE FOR AUSTRIAN FAGGOTS WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO AND ONCE THEY REACH THIS "PEAK" THEY SPREAD THEIR ASS AND USE IT AS A DILDO, WE INSTEAD SPEND COUNTLESS HOURS MINING WITH GRIT AND EFFORT INTO THE MINES BELOW TO EXTRACT THE MOST HIGH KARATE SPINE TINGLING GEMS, AS ZOOT SAID
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>>129166
The worst part is there is so much degeneracy on ao3 that these yuricoal short stories are nothing compared to the pedorapeincest porn niggerhell brimstone posted there. Most fic writer deserve horrible torture.
The worst part is there is so much degeneracy on ao3 that these yuricoal short stories are nothing compared to the pedorapeincest porn niggerhell brimstone posted there. Most fic writer deserve horrible torture.
>>129181
i mean the point of a draft is to make it not shit LATER
i mean the point of a draft is to make it not shit LATER
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