No.128880[Last 50 Posts]
i was looking on the 'ru and saw these friend books that piss me off so much. here's my spergerald why:
<redditspace
Coco:
>I am good at: I don't want to brag
Bullshit. Have you ever met a humble 8 year old?
>I don't like: Wasting time
I sincerly doubt that any child would be concerned about something as insignificant to them as time
>Animal: Turritopsis Dohrnii
and
>What I want to be when I grow up: Very old
Are incredibly unsubtle in what it's trying to say. <Coco lost her parents! So she's like, le scared of death! So, she'd like thing that live forever and she'd like, wanna live forever!
Change her animal to something more realistic, as with all of the animals in South Africa, I doubt a child would pick something as ugly as a jellyfish. Change what she wants to be to something like a nurse or a vet, which shows she's always liked helping people (which is realistic!!!)
It's really, really on the nose.
Overall with this one: Very on the nose, and doesn't feel like a child wrote this.
<Redditspace
Maya:
>My Hobbies: Using the computer
I highly doubt she would've gotten a computer this young with a mother like Soei.
>My Sports: None
Again, I highly doubt that Maya wouldn't play sports with a mother like Soei.
>I'm not that good at: Paying attention
I doubt that any child would have any concept of "paying attention" or even know that they're bad at it. There are far more things that she could be bad at, but NOPE. Gotta go with the on the nose
<She was always bad at paying attention, which was like, le foreshadowing for le ADHD!
>I really don't like: School
This is really boring. There could've been so many interesting things here that she doesn't like that could've revealed more about her character, but Massa just decided to state the obvious.
>Vacation: Home
Bullshit. Just Bullshit. What child have you ever met that didn't like going on vacation? What child hasn't loved going to an amusement park? An Aquarium? A Zoo?
>My biggest wish: Not having to go to school anymore
I'm positive there are other things she wants more, like her cat.
>What I want to be: I dunno
Genuine, unfiltered, unimaginable bullshit. You cannot excuse something as stupid as this. Have you ever met an 8 year old that didn't want to be an Astronaut? A Racecar Driver? An F1 Driver? A Firefighter? Football Player? Superhero? It is so on the nose with
<Le Maya was never le happy!
Which is bullshit and boring. If Maya used to be happy and full of optimism and whimsy, it makes it far more interesting, and tragic, when she becomes bitter and cynical. Loss of innocence is really upsetting, but I can't feel bad for someone who was apparently never innocent (which is stupid)
Overall: This was trying way too hard to build sympathy for Maya, and it all falls apart when you think about it beyond a surface level. It feels like the expository crashout: It feels deep and insightful, but it's unrealistic, unimpactful, and incredibly shallow. I said it once and I'll say it again: Having Maya lose her innocence and whimsy is far more tragic and saddening than her never having them in the first place
<Redditspace
Mymy:
This will probably start some leakage, but I really don't like Mymy. She doesn't belong in a show as grounded as Ongezellig. She feels like she was taken from another show, and feels more like a gag-machine than an actual character. Massa literally said that she left for the Netherlands when she was 6 by sneaking out of Japan, and that she went there because she "Thought it was better." To me, this shows that Massa threw her in last second without much thought, and made her backstory that because he thought it was "funny" instead of actually trying to come up with an interesting explanation as to how she ended up in the Netherlands like Coco did. She should've honestly been cut from the show (or been relegated to a background character) and had Maya and Coco's relationship be center stage. But NOPE! Can't cut that because it's too funny, am I right? No need to worry that a wacky and zaney character will undercut my original intentions!
Anyway with my second sperg out of the way, it pisses me off that this is the only one that makes sense. It feels like someone who understands nothing about the world wrote it (LIKE A CHILD!!! *GASP* CRAZY!!!!!)
<Redditspace
overall, these friendbooks (and Maya's Sweet 16 in general) are trying way too hard to build sympathy and intrigue, but did in such an on the nose way, it makes the characters feel fake. It doesn't feel like I am reading the friend book of a real child with real thoughts, feelings, and desires. It feels like I'm reading from the script of Amazing Digital Circus with how unsubtle everything is.
<Redditspace
Little rant about Maya's Sweet 16:
This was such a wasted opportunity of a comic. The dream sequence is yet another example of Massa trying to build sympathy without taking the effort to build it naturally. Her dream sequence is practically grabbing you by the neck and screaming in your face YOU MUST FEEL BAD FOR HER! THIS IS SAD! SHE'S CRYING, SEE? DON'T YOU FEEL BAD?! It also jumps into it WAAAAY too quickly, and this is a consequence of the comic being too short.
Her vomiting to avoid celebrating her birthday and going to school also feels like a lazy excuse for Massa to not have to write anything "uncomfortable" that would've actually built sympathy. We could've seen how her self hatred results in her being overwhelmed with shame when show even a shred of gratitude from her sisters. We could've how she freezes up and doesn't know what to do when she's the center of attention. We could see how she's utterly incapable of functioning in a social setting, constantly on the verge of a panic attack if she has to so much as speak to anyone. We could see how she's shaky and anxious throughout the whole day, worried people are judging her for the slightest thing. All these thing stacking on top of each other and building tension, making the reader wonder if she's gonna be able to get through the day without having a meltdown.
But no, instead we just got her throwing up and never getting to see any of that.
What a waste of potential.
<Redditspace
TL;DR Massa is pretty bad at writing
No.128881
>>128880I never read darkwolf/writerfail's schizo ramblings but I'm CERTAIN this is better
No.128883
the friendbookjes are clearly the current personalities and interests of the girls projected onto their younger self and with this perspective it is makes more sense.
No.128884
>>128880I can relate to maya on some points so that's not too wrong. I'd say it's her innate desire to be introverted. other than that makes sense.
you could've delivered this message more /calm/ly zaryan, lower your cortisol for a longer and healthier life
No.128885
>>128881Getting mad as children is something
… but anyways yeah. I only read Coco and Maya's, I read the rest tomorrow. And it would be hard writing children when you a nasty degenerate brony who smells like absolute shit
No.128888
>Are incredibly unsubtle in what it's trying to say. <Coco lost her parents! So she's like, le scared of death! So, she'd like thing that live forever and she'd like, wanna live forever!
Terribly misreading it, she just wants to be a nice old lady. Wholesome kind hearted child ambitions. Kys massahater you will never make anything. Saged your seethe
No.128889
>>128880>Bullshit. Have you ever met a humble 8 year old?yes? even if they're rare, Ongezellig is a cartoon so of course there's going to be exaggeration.
>I sincerly doubt that any child would be concerned about something as insignificant to them as timehave you considered that maybe you were just a stupid kid?
>I doubt a child would pick something as ugly as a jellyfish.children love weird animals, what are you talking about?
>with a mother like Soei.elaborate. i don't remember Massa describing Soei as strict.
>I doubt that any child would have any concept of "paying attention" or even know that they're bad at it.have you considered that maybe you were just a stupid kid? again, even if it's unrealistic, Ongezellig is a cartoon so of course there's going to be exaggeration.
>but Massa just decided to state the obvious.you get mad at Massa's writing for being unrealistic, but then when he writes something realistic and expected, you call it too obvious.
>What child have you ever met that didn't like going on vacation?Adam Lanza. some children have separation anxiety, whether it be for their parents or for their home.
>Genuine, unfiltered, unimaginable bullshit. You cannot excuse something as stupid as this. Have you ever met an 8 year old that didn't want to be an Astronaut? A Racecar Driver? An F1 Driver? A Firefighter? Football Player? Superhero?are you even a human? lots of children are unsure about what they want to be.
No.128891
massa would have been better off relegating the writing of ongezellig to someone possessing an affinity for subtlety and most importantly, eloquence.
it would be unsurprising if he never thought of this, or, thought of it and decided against it. he has a history of having awful judgement and making equally awful decisions that go against what he needs in favor of what he wants:
>i don't like talking to people outside of my inner circle so i'm going to make a discord server (this decision is a nonsensical exception, he has shown himself to hate interacting with the masses, i can only assume he was peer pressured into doing this).
>i need money so i'm going to exclusively use a dutch alternative to patreon and never sell merch (i think everybody can agree that intentionally warding off success for the sake of a supposedly lofty ideal, that is clearly anything but, is ridiculous and self-destructive).
>internationals have taken a liking to my work for the first time, so i'm going to immediately alienate them.
>ongezellig is my most successful work, so i'm going to shun it and pretend that it doesn't exist like an abusive parent.ongezellig didn't have to be a failure and this proves it.
>>128883it makes sense but it's still awful. this show doesn't attract third worlders like a flame attracts moths for no reason.
No.128899
>>128881>darkwolf/writerfailliteral who
No.128902
>>128883that was exactly my point. it didnt feel like a child was writing it, it felt like massa was writing it
No.128903
>>128889>yes? even if they're rare, Ongezellig is a cartoon so of course there's going to be exaggeration.i shouldve added more to this point originally so my bad, but i was trying to say that children dont really care if they brag or not.
>have you maybe considered you were just stupid as a kidyeah im a stupid kid because i wasnt concerned with time when an hour felt like a day
>children love weird animals!not really my point but i did word it pretty piss poor. i was trying to say that the only reason this was picked was because Massa wanted to emphasize that Coco was scared of death instead picking something that a child would ACTUALLY pick
>elaborate. i don't remember Massa describing Soei as strict.he said in a leaked paypig call that she was "a bitch" who ignores Maya and puts a lot of pressure on Coco, but I think that Soei would've put pressure on Maya for a while
>have you considered that maybe you were just a stupid kid? again, even if it's unrealistic, Ongezellig is a cartoon so of course there's going to be exaggeration.also bad way of putting on my part. i should've just said that it feels like Massa wrote this instead of a child
>you get mad at Massa's writing for being unrealistic, but then when he writes something realistic and expected, you call it too obvious.also shit way of putting my point (god i should've proofread this). i meant to say it like "massa had an opportunity for exposition but wasted it"
>Adam LanzaAdam Lanza was a fucking psychopath was mental disorders up the wazoo. Maya has ADHD and ADHD only.
>are you even a human? lots of children are unsure about what they want to be.that's fair. i should've removed that bit and have it exclusively focus on Massa simply doing it because "le maya was never le happy!" instead of making it more tragic that she wanted to be something but ended up losing that interest
No.128906
>>128905>you dont know this literal who so you a nuzoi!i dont give a shit about namefags
No.128907
>>128903>Adam Lanza was a fucking psychopath was mental disorders up the wazoo.he definitely wasn't a psychopath. he had autism, ocd, and sensory integration disorder. he was fairly normal as a kid and i think him and Maya are pretty similar personality wise (Adam even envied his more popular older brother, the same way Maya envies Coco).
No.128908
>>128907i feel like comparing her to adam lanza is pretty extreme considering one killed 26 people and the other just doesnt like people all that much
No.128911
>>128910pretentious little cuck
No.128918
>>128917>curry's orange hairwhat
No.128919
>>128918Yes Curry has Orange hair
And I think someone said Ketchup was also turned into Mymy
No.128927
>>128919>and bumblebee!ass character
No.128929
>>128881I STILL DONT KNOW WHO THESE PHONOS ARE
No.128931
>>128917>>128918>>128919>>128927Sorry I mixed them up It's Mayo with the orange hair.
No.128932
>>128931yeah idk why massa switched their names like that
you'd think that mayo would be maya and curry would be coco but
NOOOOOOO!! THAT MAKES TOO MUCH SENSE! No.128943
>>128927Zeg
>>128932Curry brown because pajeet
Mayo white because cracker
Hair doesn't matter
No.128945
While we're clittyleaking I always thought it was retarded to have two of the three main characters be named "Maya" and "Mymy." It's just confusing at first.
No.128946
>>128945Meds, their names are beautiful, gender affirming and not retarded.
No.128947
>>128880MassaLee, I kneel…
No.128951
>>128932I think Massa said that they inspired Maya and Coco
No.128954
>>128889Trvke that eternally BTFO massa haters nusois
>>128903A kid not knowing what to do when she grows up doesn't mean she's unhappy, you're onto nothing
No.128961
>>128880Have you thought about rewriting them the way you wanted to? We have the tools including the font we made
No.128991
>>128945yeah i think massa realized that when writing mayamail, which is probably why her name is pippi in those to prevent confusion
No.128992
>>128961its not gonna change anything, im simply criticizing what already exists
No.128993
>>128954my point was that massa is trying to make it seem that way, and that her actually wanting to be something would've made it more tragic as for the thrembillionth time,
having someone lose their childish joy and whimsy and turn into bitter and cynical is far more interesting and tragic than someone who was always a cynical bum from the start No.128997
>>128993Maya was always going to struggle with things like decisions and socializing because of ADD, and she lost whatever childish whimsy a kid with ADD has when her parents adopted two new kids who didn’t have disorders preventing them from being outwardly normal and she interpreted this as being replaced because of inadequacy, anxieties that her parents clearly never did anything to assuage. Along with having to give up her cat, the closest thing she had to friendship, because of Coco’s allergies. And she has already gone through these things by the time they fill out these vriendenboekjen, so you’d need go earlier to see Maya before she became a cynical bum, and we don’t really have any content from before the adoptions.
No.128998
>>128993I don't think that's the case. I think seeing a person's natural inclinations and predisposition be played out is more interesting than another "normal person gets completely changed by event" spiel. I also think you're reading into it, being lackluster doesn't equal to being unhappy.
No.128999
>>128993even doe the pasfotos clearly indicate she was happy as a kid and cococucks ruined it for her
No.129043
>>129010writergegbvll did this in the second chapter of his fanfic (which also took three months, kek!)
No.129044
>>129043gegbvll even though you're the only person who cares about him
No.129046
>>129044obsession never goes away, does it?
No.129047
>>129043Any link to his fic by the way
No.129048
>>129046everything on this website is forced
No.129050
>>129049this is just Death and Reborn if it didn't suck ass
No.129052
>>129049Why are the AO3 commemts so obsessed
No.129055
>>129043should i read it?
No.129057
>>129055Do you have like 15 minutes to spare and want to read another maya suicide attempt fic, but this time authored by a chud with personal experience (her eyes would be more bloodshot btw) instead of the usual reddit esl writertroons?
No.129060
>>129057Writergod if you’re here, it’s pretty good, much better than most ao3 slop, I’m just leaking because I’m sick of Maya suicide stories and there are faggots in your comments.
If you want feedback, I have a few actual notes.
Don’t use redundant imagery like describing the smell of wet concrete as damp, ears that painfully ache, or that a spasm is “awful” when you also characterized it much better as “like molten daggers”. At best the weaker words just hold back the stronger ones, at worst they make the whole thing weaker.
Try to avoid repeated phrases unless it’s for a specific effect. You use “just get it over with” well in chapter one to build the tension, but in part two you use “a bit of drool rolled down her chin” twice within a few lines, and end two sentences in a row with “all together” in the hospital.
Be careful about using the (pronoun + sensory/ thought verb) combination, because it usually comes off as filtering. “Coco could see her friends waving to her from under a tree” and “Coco knew that the nurse was probably exhausted” are telling, but “her friends waved to her from under a tree” and “the nurse was probably exhausted” are showing. You didn’t do it much, but it adds separation between the reader and the character, which can be useful at times if you want impersonality, but plays against the writing when we know Coco’s thoughts.
No.129061
>>129060when you are going to criticize writerfailcaca, that's how you should do it
No.129062
>>129060maya suicide is a mass obsession brought on from the shame of being a brown third worlder
No.129064
I've read a few fics on AO3 and gave some of them a chance. I spent like 7 hours reading A Search for Maya and the twist was so retarded it made me unreasonably angry for some time
No.129066
>>129064I skimmed it and this shit is nearly unreadable. If the twist you’re talking about is how Maya “disappeared” by hiding in the attic with Ravi’s help, I would be pissed too if I had actually read it. As if Ravi would let his wife and other daughters think Maya was likely dead for weeks and lead the cops on a wild goose chase, instead of taking her to a therapist or mental facility. And there’s somehow seven more chapters of this coal yet to come.
Best part was writerkek sperging in the comments about how boring it was.
No.129079
>>129060post xhis on his fic o algo and see how he responds
No.129080
>>129066I don't want to coal my brain up by reading shitty fucking AO3s I already had my fair share with SG
No.129098
>>129066that’s our little sperger… :’)
No.129107
>>129055i thought it was interesting.
i liked how one of the minor characters actually felt like a character, which is pretty surprising
No.129117
>>129108i believe xhe meant snoot game
No.129120
>>129118ohhhh okay very gemmy very gemmy
No.129167
>>129166Writercacas on their way to write the most raunchy self insert porn known to mankind on some shitty website
No.129172
>>129166I wrote fanfiction once
No.129174
>>129172what was it called
No.129175
>>129174A girl of whimsy:An Ongezellig Tale.
Shit was so bad when I finish it just had to be deleted
No.129176
>>129175what was it aboot
No.129177
>>129175people probably wouldve liked it considering people think 10 Dutch Days is peak
No.129178
>>129176It was writen in the perspective of Stan, as he grew to like Maya. But they thing was is that I couldn't write well, so every chapter was shit
>>129177I read it once, it was trash but A for effort. But yeah Maybe
No.129179
>>129178redditpiggies will eat whatever slop that gets shit out
No.129180
>>129178were xhey like gonna fall in love o algo
No.129181
>>129179I don't like producing slop, and they wouldn't have understood it anyways
>>129180In a draft of it yes, but I thought they were too underdeveloped and ot was to soon
No.129184
>>129182Peak is for redditors
Gems(or zems) are for us chuds and zaryans
No.129187
>>129166The worst part is there is so much degeneracy on ao3 that these yuricoal short stories are nothing compared to the pedorapeincest porn niggerhell brimstone posted there. Most fic writer deserve horrible torture.
No.129189
>>129187Thought on
>>129175 story?
No.129190
>>129182i meant to put quotations around it
No.129191
>>129181i mean the point of a draft is to make it not shit LATER
No.129192
>>129187trvke
(this is FrankHasselsSon btw)
No.129193
>>129189I thought xhe said xhe deleted it
No.129195
>>129192i checked it and it was writerfail who pointed out so giga to xhim (though he says lel which is like a sin o algo)
No.129196
>>129193No like thoughs on the premise
No.129200
>>129195Geg he then immediately starts apologizing for taking too long to write his fic
No.129208
>>129196I generally don’t think maya relationship fics make too much sense because she has issues that would prevent her from actually forming a romantic relationship, mainly her self hatred would eat away at the relationship’s foundation because she wouldn’t be able to actually believe someone liked her. I think the more interesting fic would be about maya working on her problems to even get to a point a relationship is feasible, or better yet fics should be about the sibling dynamic at the heart of ongezellig. That being said, I’m sure it was much better than any yuricoal, and the author even said xhe thought pressing a relationship was too soon, which isn’t a thought that would ever cross a writertroon’s mind, so that seems like a mark of sanity.
No.129211
>>129210You should keep writing doe, you’ll get better the more you write, and even iron fics would help offset the mountain of coal and brimstone on ao3. I’m (slowly) writing a backstory fic based on an image from here and a line Massa said in the paypig call.
No.129215
>>129173the quality difference is actually insane considering that both are their first fics
No.129218
>>129064im surprised that writerfail didn't sperg about that
(though maybe he's still writing it
GEG)
No.129219
>>129043yeah he did
>For a brief moment, she could almost hear Maya saying ‘I love you!’ In that high-pitched giggle as she tackle-hugged her, with the biggest, toothiest grin on her face.
>Coco’s jaw quivered. Her throat swelled as she choked back tears. Her knuckles turned white as she tightly gripped her locket with both hands.
>God, what she’d do to get it back… No.129222
>>129220some niggermutt on ao3 who wrote an incest fic between maya and mymy, and complaining that normal people are disgusted by that
No.129224
>>129214It’s about 8 year old Maya struggling to adjust to life with her recently adopted sisters, and her relationship with Ravi and Soei.
No.129226
>>129225kek
its actually really funny watching xim leak about being a slow writer and how xhe wishes xhe wasnt such an perfectionist
No.129227
>>129226although "leakage" probably isnt the best way of describing it
No.129229
>>129219>>129224Sounds adorable, I always love a good back story. Also sidenote do you think Coco has a violent temper?
No.129230
>>129227I would just call it sperging
No.129231
>>129229We know Coco has violent outbursts when her birth parents are brought up. But I would say she probably tries to keep her temper under control, and limit negative thoughts and feelings in general, which means they are likely to build up over time and makes it worse whenever they do come out.
No.129256
>>129229Adorable is the only word that sounds adorable, does that make sense?
No.129274
>>129064>>129066the author deleted it, i think they saw this post geg
i remember wondering if Maya was gonna be in the upside down or something, and i remember when the twist happened that she was in the house the whole time, i got so mad at how stupid it was that i had to go outside
No.129280
>>129274Geg another fic lost due to heckin evil zarty criticism.
No.129284
While researching my fiktie (I am the Iets Waars Zaryan) I found out that Kiki, despite having her own voice file by Kayleigh Luyks (Vera), she doesn't even have a fucking surname. But the watermelon negress does. It's even in Vera's dossier
<waar space
Massa is so retarded he can't even give the Frenchie a French-sounding name
No.129285
>>129284I mean none of them have surnames aside from Cleo, so maybe if he didn’t burn himself out then Cleo would’ve been important
No.129286
>>129274No fucking way they deleted it?
<waar spaceHOLY SHIT XE XID GEEEEEEEEEG
>Works (2) instead of (3) No.129287
>>129286He probably had no idea what he was doing and probably hated it anyways, as nobody would delete their work over one comment if they weren’t already on the edge of deleting it
No.129288
>>129284Because we Saar’s were talking about xim (and you look like a competent writer), what are your thoughts on writerfail’s work MISERY?
No.129289
>>129286If anyone wants to ask for the fik, I have it saved as a docx for self-consumption and I have to tell you, it was the worst seven hours of my life because I had to at least do four separate sittings of readings just to slog through it all. The Kiki-Mymy game was cliché expositorial gibberish then for whatever reason she stops the omega Dutch larp (??), Coco destroying the drum kit because she's depressed ofzo
<waar spaceThen again Ravi hiding Maya in the attic while watching his wife and two stepchildren break down while he is being a Roman statue about it all is so fucking funny to me
<waar space No.129290
>>129288Personally I like Free Indirect Discourse. Though I'm not opposed to descriptive writing like what A Search for Maya did, it was just so voluminous and that I was basically inside their skulls and I know what each character was thinking because every emotional state was like stage direction. Spoonfeeding spoons
<waar spaceAs an aside, you can freely criticise my writing here. The FID in this case is leaning toward Rens
No.129291
>>129289my issue with it is just how fucking LONG it was. it could’ve been a funny bad story but it being so long just made it annoying bad
No.129292
>>129290I think you replied to the wrong post
No.129294
>>129292I saw "competent writer" 😳
No.129300
>>129294so what do you think of writerfail
No.129303
>>129300I've read Misery. So far, it's working to evoke a sense of helplessness. I like the idea. The dialogue with the nurse was particularly something I caught on. A sense of realism, a background character who interacts with a protagonist as if they were just two people who are in need of seeing someone and showing that someone respectively
<waar spaceHowever, like that one nophono said, too much telling. I liked the vivid descriptions of Maya's attempt, but the schoolyard was heavily dependent on telling us what Coco was doing, while also not taking advantage of the atmosphere, of a September afternoon in the Netherlands. As Zaryans, we know what the schoolyard looks like, but that context should not be marginal
<waar spaceThat one authorial intrusion of thr FID/interiority saying Coco felt like shit genuinely made me chuckle
<waar spaceOverall, it's working. Clumsily, but it's nothing proofreading can fix. I recommend Writerfail does more compression, especially filtering. Because
>Coco’s phone suddenly buzzed in her bag, “Oh! S-Sorry,” She said as she fumbled with her bag, “Someone’s texting me!”could be worded better. Writerfail needs to trust the reader. This passage in particular, if I may, would be better if it said less but showed more
<Her phone buzzes. "Oh! S-sorry!" Fumbling for her bag. "Someone's calling me!"Compression is key. Same information, but with less volume. This is how I write for example because I love close-third present tense to establish immediacy because I spare adverbs for the moments where they really matter
No.129305
>>129303i wonder if the nurse is gonna be important because if not than im surprised that he'd go out of his way to characterize her (which is a good thing, but surprising)
No.129306
>>129304
Everyone has different styles. Writerfail just needs a bit of a nudge when it comes to more showy writing. I have a very empirical way of writing, which can be seen in what I am about to quote from IW, where I make Vera rant about le stroopwafel:
>“Sorry. I haven’t eaten.”
<Right index finger to the island. “I’ve got snacks. Help yourself.”
>“Lollipops?”
<“I take it you like sweets, Kamerman.”
>“My mom tells me I need to watch my sugar.”
<She goes to the island, grabs a lollipop with the ashtray, and fits one into her mouth, tasting the sweetness, “I have stroopwafels.”
>“I’d love to but not now.”
<“Sounds like the words of a man who would have a more refined palate.” She grabs two from the packet and hands one to him. The other she places on top her coffee.
>“It’s not that, mevrouw.” He takes it, asks for a plate, lays it there. “I just eat anything. I’m craving for a cheeseburger actually.”
<“Cheese.” Pulling her seat back, lollipop exiting her lips. “When most people hear cheese, they think of places. Amerika. Parma and Reggia Emilia. Zwitserland. Gouda.” She spins the lollipop stick. “Syrup waffles are out of the picture for outsiders who hear of Gouda in particular. 1810, 1837, 1840, 1853. Whatever the dates are, Gerard Kamphuisen is the one name constant when you hear of the pastry’s origins.”
^The lollipop makes its way back into her mouth, and so do his eyes, before it comes out again. 4th of July starts.
<“Well, some want to stretch it to 1784. I highly doubt it.”
^He says nothing.
<“This baker from Gouda mixed dough scraps with a syrup of his own making. His recipe was sealed in an unopened envelope by his bakery, though by the Springtime of the Peoples, the recipe was already known. With these peasant uprisings, you’d have people needing to sustain themselves on whatever was at hand, and a syrupwafel borne from scraps had got them a crude nickname because of the people who ate them, armenkoeken—the poor man’s cookie.”
>“Reminds me of ship biscuits.”
<“Precisely. But the wafel, unlike hardtack, managed to make it out of its periphery and became sensational. Whereas the ship biscuit was the sustenance of the naval tradition—it got as far as the trenches we never trudged in, but only just—” Pinching her fingers, “Stroopwafels were truly made for the masses.” Palm wide open.
>“Am I really listening to you talking about the history of a waffle?”
<“Then I’ll stop.”
>His left fist on his lips, his cheeks a slight bright hue. “No, please continue.”
<“The Industrial Revolution happened, that one bakery in Gouda got enough gas to sustain a commercial enterprise, an industrial behemoth of its own kind, and by the Franco-Prussian War was also the first time the wafel made it out of its hometown in meaningful ways. Ninety years after the skirmish, Gouda is now the stroopwafel hub it is today, at that time having seventeen factories dedicated to that pastry alone.”
>“It also happens to make good cheese.”
<The confectionery’s circular shape fits exactly the ashtray. “You already know September 30th.”
>“A day entirely dedicated to stroopwafels, why?” His surveillance on the moist sweetmeat.
<“Twenty-two million packets per annum is truly worth celebrating. But what we Dutchmen can’t resist doing is a sense of reclamation. We do it against the sea, hence the provinces that are entirely polders. And we did it with a pastry whose tradition it was derived from is distinctly continental.”
>“Well, the Belgians do have their waffles.”
<“And the Belgians owe their tradition to the French. The first waffle guild—and do not think of it as something silly, Kamerman—was by the Parisian oubliers in 1270, over half a millennium before Kamphuisen’s first scraps, though one can argue the oublies they made are precursors to waffles than actual waffles. And a comprehensive cookbook Le Ménagier de Paris, dating from 1393, already laid out the backbone of what waffles would become. We tried to be different by using caramel syrup instead of cheese, and putting the wafel over our coffee before the first bite, the heat a part of the process, the waiting itself a ritual.” Cigarette on her right, its turn to making it for her mouth.
^He cannot stop looking as she then devours the entire thing in one sitting.
>“So waffles are continental, but I don’t see the issue here, mevrouw.”
<“The revolutionary aspect of the stroopwafel was that it was a snack made for commoners by a commoner. It has largely achieved that.” She takes a drink. “If it is quintessentially Dutch next to windmills, polders, dikes, tulips, clogs and bicycles, the same can be said for a sack of rice from Soerabaja, or cigarettes from Aruba.” She takes a hit. “And people nowadays only see why things are there but not why they were put there. Not, ‘Why is that there.’ It’s just there, and the objects are unable to not compel them otherwise.”
>“Why do you say that, mevrouw?”
<“People don’t know how to think, but instead they only know how to react to certain stimuli.”
^The kitchen is quiet for a little bit.
>He takes off his glasses. “Well, I think I’m hungry.”
<“Again, help yourself.”
No.129405
>>129173>Chud writes better than redditroonwhat a shock
No.129424
>>129405There should be a victorian study about this
No.129444
>>129405@Zrok why is MISERY better than Death and ReBorn like this man claims? Does writerfail being a Chud have anything to do with it like they also claim?
No.129454
>>129444@zrok why havent you answered
No.129461
@zrok you will always be a gem
No.129462
>>129460Thanks Zrok, actual good insight
Since the normgroid community has no proper criticism with each other, and no such accountability and responsibility, they do whatever even if it means bringing their standards down the drain.
<Meanwhile for chuddies, we're always reaching for the next highest goals and excellence, so even if we make gems, our standards are always climbing up, so we see our gems as coal and want to improve better from it.
<I speak from experience of zoiets No.129467
>>129460I remember writerfail was complaining about something in a story and someone came in clittyleaking about
>STOP CRITICIZING IT YOU NEED TO BE HECKIN WHOLESOME 100 KINO CHUNGUS YOURE BEING SO RUDE FOR GIVING FEEDBACK REEEEEEEEEEyes i am obsessed with writerfail and i look for all xheir spergeralds No.129485
>>129306style is really only something that can be developed with time, so the last few chapters of the story will probably be more focused and polished than the first
No.129491
>>129460@Zrok, why is it that communities like Reddit and Discord have such toxic positivity like this? Is it due to the nature of upvotes incentivizing people to restrict their critical thinking and/or true thoughts to maximize upvotes? If that’s so, then why does Discord have the same problem?
No.129492
>>129491*then what causes Discord to have the same issue despite having no point system in place whatsoever?
No.129493
>>129492They wanna groom. Don't want people you're grooming to dislike you. Profiles cause this, not points.
No.129500
>>129498Zrok is right on the spot on this, but I will add there is nothing magic in having a number attached to a post, discord reacts work the same way, or just any other form of praise or criticism. There is a lot of group think in the soysphere.
No.129503
>>129498Should use the word "vibe" randomly more. For that authentic ai slop feel…
No.129505
>>129503it's not just a vibe–it's raw and unfiltered. and honestly? that's fuggen zeldee–my nigger.
No.129512
>distinguishing personal beliefs from personal views
Bro what
No.129516
>>129507@zrok do redditcacas really say and look like this?
>>129173 No.129519
>>128880>The dream sequence is yet another example of Massa trying to build sympathy without taking the effort to build it naturally. Her dream sequence is practically grabbing you by the neck and screaming in your face YOU MUST FEEL BAD FOR HER! THIS IS SAD! SHE'S CRYING, SEE? DON'T YOU FEEL BAD?!I
Lie. My first impression by the comic I've got in 2023 was completely opposite to your description. I honestly remember that to be a very deep and touching moment, and its quick appearance in the comic was for good, it began abruptly and hit sharply, that was surely a good decision imho. Although I was younger back then, could have just been more susceptive.
No.129529
>>129519i feel that the feeling of it being disheartening might come from how heavily you related to Maya and how much you sympathized with her BEFORE you read the comic. I was the same, attaching myself to her and feeling what she felt as it was happening because I liked her, and I believed that it was truly disheartening and saddening. But overtime, as I became less attached emotionally attached, I re-read it and saw how flawed it really was.
<redditspaceSomeone who wouldn't really relate to Maya isn't going to find it as disheartening, as the comic itself fails to make them care (and the only way it would've been able to do that is if it had more time and length to really show how fucked she is). It only hits if you cared in the first place, and if someone was more attached to someone like Coco or Mymy, they wouldn't find this story all that impactful.
No.129534
@zrok write "nigger" 1448 times
No.129535
>>129527@zrok can you summarize the 2nd text by in
>>129173 because i dont feel like reading it
No.129571
>>129462(I know from experience sadly)
No.129867
>>129860They don't even have their surnames
No.129875
>>129867well couldnt the schoppenboars be next to eachother? at least then it would make partial sense and we could just assume that everyone else has a surname
No.129878
>>129875massafails…
NOT. LIKE. THIS. KEEEEEEKKKKK No.129879
>>129875But normally in these you'll have there full name
No.129887
>>129879that still doesnt excuse how its not in alphabetical order, and seems to have no order at all.
No.129890
>>129887Maybe he just made up the order, which is bullshit. I would not if Massa put more thought into his work(though he probably trooned cause he thought so hard) it would make sence for it to be in Alphabetical order and show their full names, but it raises the question. What was Massa thinking
No.129894
>>129892Ilse has no hairclip
And Roos hair got darker but that may be due to the lighting
No.129895
>>129892And Coco and Mymy were place on the bottom row
No.129899
>>129529I was a cocoCHAD from the very beginning doe.
No.129900
>>129897We are zaryans we're all retards
No.129902
>>129892cleo is supposed to come after mymy
No.129917
>>129916I already edited Venetiaan to come after the Schoppenboer sisters, check again
No.129923
>>129917but zoey comes before her, which she shouldnt be
No.129924
>>129916just noticed that Maya is stronger and has more wisdom that Mymy kek
No.129928
>>129925refer to this
>>129916 it shows that Cleo comes right after Mymy in alphabetical order by last name
No.129929
>>128919is this real because if so then i had no idea massa was based enough to say "niggers"
No.129931
>>129929Yes, it from the Mayo en Curry comics
No.129949
>>129929Massa got a severe case of troll's remorse, typical in 4cuckers older than 30
No.129975
how did this go from 'tistic spergerald, to whatever this story is about
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76552636?view_full_work=true to the class photos not having any sense of order at all
No.129976
>>129975*to whatever this story was about
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76552636?view_full_work=true and writerfail and how it was better than some redditrannies story or whatever (i didn't read either)
No.129977
>>129975Maya, in the ward
No.129999
File: 1776159162384.png (Spoiler Image, 168.08 KB, 1080x1345, Screenshot_2026-04-14_1729….png)
>>129986I've read enough comparative fanfics on 'O3 to grasp what kind of content Ziggers put out (Ice Cold Steam Engine, Hopes and Nightmares, When the Days Got Brighter in Amsterdam) to say that these people are writing for the sake of it and for the kudos and the fanduels in the reppies and whatnot
<'O3 'aceThen today I scrolled for a bit to find more long form zontent because I fucking hate oneshots then I saw this and promptly reminded myself to never visit the site again
No.130007
>>129999the authors name used to be
ibelieveinlolis so yeah theyre a niggerpedo (and they also say nigga a lot so theyre definitely a shitskin 4cuck)
No.130012
>>130007no they're affiliated with 'tok niggers I saw screenshots from a tiktok comment section where some nufag said that he loved the fanfiction and that he knows the author
No.130015
>>129999DOGTOOOOOOOOES WHAT IS THIS
No.130018
>>130012still shitskinned thoughie
No.130027
>>130019@zrok is this true?
No.130085
>>129976was the description changed? i dont remember there being anything about soei in the the description i remember it only being about Maya
No.130089
>>130027@zrok please answer
No.130091
>>130088im actually glad that was dialed back because the new description saying they know little "beyond the bare minimum" feels far more realistic instead of
>le evil hospital staff that are le evil because… BECAUSE THEY ARE OKAY?! FEEL BAD! No.130100
>>130098@zrok can you unpack the statement?
No.130159
>>130091trve
one note evil is not interesting
No.130459
>>130458This is why I don't touch that site with a thrembo feet long pole, I don't need to ruin my day by exposing myself to utter brimstone
No.130461
>>130459literally like one good one (this one)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76552636?view_full_work=true and apparently its written by a lazy faggot or something (idk its good or not i didnt read it, it's just made by a former chud so it's automatically gemmy)
No.130464
>>130461It’s been put on indefinite hiatus out of spite if that matters btw
No.130465
>>130464Typical just like my life is vantablack coal out of spite from the jews
No.130467
>>130464we should know at this point that a cancelled gem is better that ongoing coal (ongezellig is the literal example of this)
No.130469
>>130467ev&doe its not cancelled thoughie
No.130471
>>130458>>129166this gave me a realistic panic attack
No.130531
>>130471me too, but it was probably less realistic and glorified a bit
No.130599
Yeah, Mymy's more reminiscent of Alvin from his 1960s show (both serve as an "annoyance" to the others) or the average leading Hanna-Barbera character (Yogi Bear, Quick Draw McGraw, etc who would always make funny quips) than anything related to how the others were developed
No.130847
Apparently 3GoyGlowers, after sperging about A Search for Maya, uploaded something new o algo:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/83433391/chapters/219792796 No.130892
>>130847Incomprehensible story o algo
No.130893
>>129107yeah not a lot of amateurs put any characterization into background characters so i was pretty surprised by that
No.130894
>>130599No I don't agree
>>130602Falsenvke shitstone that nomymy cared about>>128880The trvth is OP Mymy is the single best character of Ongezellig and maybe even all of fiction. Don't believe me? Well what if I told you that I would never even consider re-watching Ongezellig once and I would definitely not obsess over it for years if it werent for Mymy. Mymy is the perfect character, she has captivated my mind and interest for years now I think about her every day. She has the perfect design, a charming and cute personality and she is chuddy. Only nophono would care about Ongezellig after all these years if Mymy wasn't a character, this is simply the truth that you are too afraid to acknowledge. Mymy outperforms any other character every thought of in fiction and you know this, Mymy is the sole reason Ongezellig had anymore screentime than like 5 minutes. Mymy is the sole reason any more Deels than the first one was made. You know this OP, stop lying. For the betterment of all our lives, stop living in denial, stop lying to yourself and to others. And (you) if you're reading this you know that Mymy
FVCKING VVON you'll realize one day if you haven't. Mymy won, Mymy's back hurts after carrying Ongezellig for years. I would never even remember the other girl's names if it weren't for Mymy that's how much she shines,
TOTAL MYMY VIKKKTORY No.130896
>>130894you need to stop taking stimulants, adhd isnt real you are just getting high and its ruining your brain
No.130901
>>130896I don't have ADHD I have Assburgers
>You need to stop taking stimulantsthings that will never happen
No.130902
>>130894not reading that so you're a shitskin niggerpedo that wants to rape mymy
No.130903
>>130894>not in Dutch / niet in het nederlandsgeg
No.130904
>>130901I wish this video was real
No.130905
>>130902>>130903Obsessed demoralising samefag go fuck yourself
No.130907
>>130901Don't scare me with these videos, one of these days it's going to happen though
No.130911
>>130905Nee,je houdt gewoon niet van Mymy, terwijl je weet dat ze van het Nederlands houdt
No.130920
>>130911Ik studeer Nederlands thuis, ik ben DTL (Dutch Third Language)
No.130921
>>130920Nederlands is mijn tweede taal. ik heb het geleerd omdat mijn Oma het sprak
No.131122
>>131119Hey did this pedo rate it 5 stars?
No.131123
>>131122says it right there
No.131124
>>131123Dox 'em
>>131119Also anything with an M or A rating is goonbait
No.131125
>>131119atleast it isn't agugu 'p or the Maya goon animation
No.131462
>>131461also Maya has a 5.6 average which is 0.1 above passing GEG
No.131463
>>129219i think this is xer idealizing the past and not an actual memory
No.131476
>>131461can someone whos esl as hell translate this please
No.131491
It says that maya is the ebodiment of the "sixes culture" (5.5 is the minimum to not fail and people want 6 to stay safe, basically saying she's doing the bare minimum to not fail her classes)
Mymy is a megalomaniac with a napoleoncomplex and the teacher says she really hates the kid. But she's also weak against bottles
No.132828
>>128880>Bullshit. Have you ever met a humble 8 year old?>I sincerly doubt that any child would be concerned about something as insignificant to them as timei think the point is that coco was forced to mature very fast due to the death of her parents so naturally she's going to be more humble and less childish than the rest even if she's very "naive". yes its a tired excuse but it makes sense for her character
>>What I want to be when I grow up: Very oldthis is just a completely normal thing for a kid to say when asked this question, you're reading too much into this
>I highly doubt she would've gotten a computer this young with a mother like Soei.but she did. also we dont know soei enough to jump to assumptions like that, it could be the family computer for all we know
>Again, I highly doubt that Maya wouldn't play sports with a mother like Soei.but she didnt. and again, we dont know enough about soei + not EVERY parent makes their kid do sports, especially if their kid is a girl
>I doubt that any child would have any concept of "paying attention" or even know that they're bad at it.she most likely wrote this after multiple scoldings from teachers or her parents, its not out of this world for a kid to be insecure about what they get scolded over
>>I really don't like: Schoolyeah this could have been much more interesting i agree
>What child hasn't loved going to an amusement park? An Aquarium? A Zoo?READ NIGGA READ. it says vacation COUNTRY. maya doesnt have one because she's likely never been to another country at that age unlike the others who are both foreigners
>I'm positive there are other things she wants more, like her cat.yeah what the fuck was massa thinking here
>>What I want to be: I dunnoagain, relatively normal thing for a kid to say when asked this question
you seem to think all children act in a very specific way while forgetting that the 'lig girls were never normal children to begin with, the three (yes even mymy) went through a lot from a very young age and thats what makes them interesting to begin with
No.132829
>>132738I do hope he followed my advice of more show, less tell
No.132830
>>132829Marge where was he telling? Am I retarded?
No.132833
>>132830We had a productive exchange with one another, and he seemed moved. I'm actually glad I was able to help him AND myself because I also needed to follow my own advice geg
<MISERY spacehttps://archiveofourown.org/comments/1180150161 No.132834
>>132833WHY ARE THERE 242 COMMENTS GEG
No.132835
>>132833he'll definetly apply your lessons, though maybe inconsistently at first as he is still new
No.132837
>>132835I want him to do well, he has so much potential. Compared to other fiktie writers, he stands out simply because he's willing to be rawer. Other suicide fics handle major character deaths so cliche-ly, that him writing something more original and grounded stands out because he stays true to his vision of telling us (so far) of a maya who wanted to kill herself and a coco who could not imagine her sister in any way besides what she thought she was
No.132838
>>132837tsmt. death and reborn made me really angry with how unrealistic it was, and I imagine that this story will (hopefully) do the "Maya tries to kill herself" trope justice
No.132842
>>132837That's because the fics are being written by cordtroons LARPers who have never ever experienced the incel life, so like all things, even their portrayal of suicide comes off as childish and unrealistic
No.132880
>>132842not everyone with depression is an incel thoughie, but still tsmt
No.132885
>>132880Depression in truecels and
>depressionAre two different things though
No.132890
>>132842ive noticed that writerfail seems to have restraint
he didnt explain as to why Maya tried to kill herself, because that's not relevant yet.
<MISERYspacehe also seems to trust the audience to understand things, and SHOWS more than he tells (though this is inconsistant)
he didn't write the immediate aftermath, because he just had to SHOW how tired Coco as a means of TELLING how exhausting it was
he didn't tell us how far the school is from the hospital, because Coco's calves spasming AND the nurse's shocked reaction SHOW that it is really far away
No.132931
>>132837call me retarded but I never understood what made a story “grounded”
No.132935
>>132931If it seems logical and like it could actually happen
A story about dragons and a fantasy world can still feel grounded if the story follows a logic and doesn't pull cards out of its ass to explain why a certain thing is possible/impossible or when the tone goes completely off the rails
No.133342
>>128909I wonder if this was the brown shooter
No.133347
>>133342The year is 2026 and Zaryans are shooterinvestigating random posters
No.133611
>>132833I checked the comment thread and writerfail asked you another question btw
No.133613
>>132837>willing to be rawerI think
>>129173 sums it up best tbh. All of the shit said in Death and ReBorn is so forgettable because it feels fake. This hospital scene is meant to be emotional in both, but writerfail’s works so much better because it treats it the way it is, doesn’t hold back, all while characterizing Coco by showing her idealization of a Maya that either
A. Never existed
Or
B. Hasn’t existed in a long time
And that’s what makes it so engaging.
Death and ReBorn on the other hand suffers from the fact that everyone sounds the fucking same, and everything is delivered in the most bland and boring way possible.
Even though writerfail isn’t exactly consistent, scenes like this show that he has oodles of potential and just needs more time to learn the fundamentals and develop consistency. I’m confident that the end of his story will be far better than the beginning
No.133615
>>133614What does this even mean
No.133616
>>128919Apparently “negerzoenen” are the names of the candies those things are, so Massa wasn’t being racist, he was mocking a racist name
No.133624
>>128880mymys purpose was comedic relief o algo. we saw how shit mayas sweet sixteen was and that was primarily because there was no comedic relief
No.133625
>>133624maya's 16 was shit because massa can't into comics.
No.133633
>>133625I personally liked it because it was self condemning doomer slop with no good ending whatsoever
No.133707
>>133624No. Comedic relief would’ve made it worse, you mongrel.
No.133727
>>133707>>133625>>133624Sweet 16, while believable, was way too dark of a tone for a show that was going to be about coming of age, growing up, and learning to deal with your deep seated problems. I feel the same way about Maya's Diary.
If Massa was instead going to revel in hopelessness and nihilism as his character development, then I'm glad the show never continued.
No.133728
>>132833writerfail asked another question btw, if that matters
No.133734
>>133727Ongezellig was going to be a nihilistic gem for nihilistic fags like me and I wouldn't want it any other way
No.133738
>>133734Hold on you weren't even denying that it's faggotry
No.133743
>>132837idk why these writers feel the need to hold back tbh, it makes no sense
No.133747
>>133744Don't do that, there's a million reasons why you shouldn't, it's difficult to think there's no meaning, because we get proven wrong every day
No.133756
>>133744based
we are the real target audience of zellig. everyone saying "durr doomer/nihilist fag" is blinded by their own ideology and completely miss the message of the show
No.133761
>>133744Maya just needs to get out of her own head, make some friends, and do something instead of idling her time away. It's a very tough first step, but one that at least one sister will push her to make.
It's why I adore Coco, she had an awful hand, was forced to flee her homeland for her own safety, but instead of wallowing in self-pity, she lives out her life as her parents wanted her to. Her parents would want her to be happy and have lots of friends, and to carry on their memory, she does this. I've seen people in my life deal with devastating loss at a young age, and most recoil back and never recover, but those that do are the toughest people I know.
Coco is a pressure made Diamond.
No.133765
>>133761holy bluepilled advice
>just IMPROOV bro! No.133767
>>133765you are just a blackpilled loser
No.133768
>>133761Coco has just as many issues as maya, her entire reason for making so many friends and being involved in so many things is existential dread about wasting her limited time, and we see she’s prone to snapping when pushed. Obviously that’s all understandable, but it’s not like she’s fine.
No.133769
>>133767if you aren't ugly then yes, the blackpill is kind of useless. If you are ugly though, it is pretty fucked up for you. Thank God I am not sub5
No.133770
>>133768Even then, Coco showed enough restraint to not throw Maya out of the window. With what Maya knew about Coco's parents, she knew those were fighting words.
Coco will never be "fixed" from her attachment to her family, but she copes and makes the most of it. Nobody is ever entirely "fixed" from their traumas.
No.133772
>>133769if its over for you anyway where is the harm in trying? I never understood th8s slave mindset, if you are going to fail anyway then it can't hurt to try
No.133773
>>133772Because it makes people uncomfortable, and these niggers worship comfort.
No.133777
>>133773too true trying is hard and its easier just to give up its why they ended up like that in the first place
No.133780
>>133779sorry but I'm not a Calvinist, refer to
>>133776 No.133781
>>133780no one cares what brand of christcuck you are
google nomological determinism
No.133782
>>133781reddit genius cope to why your life sucks its just totally out of your control your just a bunch of atoms you have no free will. if that was true then you got the faggot loser atoms just give up
No.133785
>>133782>"being an illiterate retard proves my point and if you say otherwise youre le redditor!"its honestly sad how clueless you are
start here
No.133787
>>133785Hes jewish, determinist nihilism - logical point of talmudic philosophy
>Op is talmudic simp who will eat the bugs No.133793
>I'm such an intellectual I have the true red pill.. nothing matters and you have no free will! heh these uneducated bafoons haven't even read sapolsky or popper
literal reddit genius
No.133798
>>133787Like clockwork geeeeeeeeeegggggg
No.133799
>>133728I know, I can't answer right now because my AO3 keys are in my other pants.
No.133800
>>133771but why is bald man with glasses and dutch tranime site the only thing keeping your sanity? There's more to life than that
No.133802
>>133800I didn't say it was the site, but the people I found through the site, very different
No.133805
>>133802Yeah but it's a gegerald when you look at it like this.
But still, your fulfilment should come from the inside, not the outside, because external factors always change.
No.133809
>>133761>Maya just needs to get out of her own head, make some friends, and do something instead of idling her time awayit's honestly true I can't lie
I wish I could be the one to help her
No.133810
Nucacas just derailed my precious theological discussion into talking about 'zellig and M*aya, how they foekeng dare
No.133815
>>133810I like the discussions around writerfail thoughie
No.133817
>>133728>>133815I will respond to writerfail shortly, and it's good that I actually sat down and finally went on to read what I should of Death and Reborn, and let me tell you, I have more incentive to be instructive to writerfail because of it
<MISERYspaceThis being the best zellig fiktie OAT according to redditcacas is why we can't have nice things. These faggots are legitimately incapable of writing literary prose and presenting the stakes as stakes
No.133818
>>133816See above. Writerfail can write anactual, embodied attempt that inhabits Maya's mind that the reader can access. That's why it's raw
No.133823
>>133817that image is probably the shittiest thing I’ve ever read
No.133824
>>133817>>133823Now compare that to this
Fucking night and day (figuratively and literally because I use dark mode)
No.133825
>>133817I’ve read this multiple times and the prose is so shit that I didn’t even realize that Soei started crying GEG
No.133826
>>133824Its shit cause its ai.
>knuckles turning whiteIs literally the most well known llm-ism ever
No.133830
>>133826>using an overused term makes it AIMongrel.
No.133831
>>133830Enjoy your ai slop retard
No.133834
>>133824See, look at this example of descriptive writing that makes the reader do actual interpretative work beyond what the author establishes. Compare it to Death and Reborn where that retard ADDnigger has to tell you, 'this is what it means and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE' which is why I'm rooting for writerfail all the way
No.133835
>>133834Tsmt, and this is because DN(r)B was literally written using AI according to the author himself
No.133838
>>133817where can I read this?
No.133854
>>133817>He nodded silentlyIs nodding supposed to make a noise?
What a retard
No.133855
>>133817The way is switches between Mrs Schoppenboer and Soei is evidence that he basically got the AI to generate it for him, not “improve his ideas” like he claims
No.133857
>>133824>but, her eyelids had these… weird red specks on them…Marge does she have AIDS or something?
No.133858
>>133857They are probably petechiae, and as soon as I read that the first time I was certain writerfail put that detail in because he knows from experience sadly, apparently it’s common in suicide attempts, especially hangings, but also can happen in ODs.
No.133881
>>133858I looked more into it and petechiae is also a sign of bulimia, so that might also allude to that, but it is still common in hangings and OD’s like you mentioned
No.133882
>>133858>>133881yet another example of writerfails genius: putting in a detail that can be interpreted in different ways that all make sense
No.133903
I've responded to writerfail. Now we wait for June 13th or July 4th.
No.133948
>>133817saar I am not reading that. Why does it suck and why is the other thing better
No.133961
>>133854do retardcacas really?
No.134023
>>133970geg is it really that shitty?
No.134068
>>133970Maya is stuck in the Psych Ward for
three months btw
Nobody ever stays longer than 2-3 weeks, and those who need further care are usually sent to dedicated hospitals, and even then that’s usually meant to treat Schizophrenia and SEVERE bipolar and PTSD
What’s worse, Arno and Maya exchange phone numbers and listen to music together, which means they have their phones, which they would
never be allowed to have in a Psych WardThis nigga couldn’t even bother to research how a fucking Psych Ward works and it really pisses me off
No.134103
>>134068and every redditnigger recommends this for being "peak"
No.134106
>>133970stopped reading here
what garbage
No.134369
>>133970im never reading it why does it suck
No.134395
>>134369saar please answer me o algo
No.134398
>>134397just answer le question please
No.134399
>>134398>he doesnt know about notebookllmngmi
No.135229
>>134398still hasnt been answered award
No.135268
>>135229I'll answer you, Zaryan! Gove me like 3 hours
No.135308
>>135306You could solve this by just reading it yourself.
No.135312
>>135306I know. It's a legitimate slog to read through this shit. Every emotion is being handed to me on a silver platter, like it's supposed to make me feel anything. This retard 'author' has no room for subtlety. I'll send you a chapter-by-chapter breakdown like ZrokGPT after I fucking tread through it all
No.135314
>>135312is it really that bad?
No.135322
>>135316the sheer tonnage of coal in this one screenshot rivals the entire indian mining industry like holy SHIT this is bad
No.135323
>>135322its genuinely baffling that redditpedos actually think this is good.
actually, they probably dont. they probably think it's fucking terrible. they just dont want to break the heckin wholesome 100 reddit gold keanu chungus vibes, so they call everything good, lest the monsune of trannies decend upon their house
No.135324
>>135316Why does it read like a retard with Asperger, and how does Maya get the upper hand on Coco? We should establish the capital punishment for such people
No.135349
>>135316>during trainingAnd he only used AI to “correct his ideas” and definitely not to generate the entire thing for him
I bet he leaks about AI generated shit with xis cord xisters
No.135355
>>135347The average PLOOOOOOTTTEEER
>Don't question things, just turn your brain off and enjoy da PLOOOOOOOTT>Erm ever heard of PLOOOOT inversion chud?>Clearly you've never had to write a PLOOOOOT before>ChatGPT is bad because it writes better PLOOOOOOOOT than I do>Indirect responses? Metaphors? Figures? Shut up and let me PLLOOOOOOTTTT No.135356
>>135355they really say this!
No.135366
>>135312I decided to skim through this and it genuinely unreadable. the pathetic excuse for why Maya tried to kill herself was clearly an afterthought and simply there to get the plot started, which is insulting. it makes no sense for any of her classmates to actually give a shit, because I guarantee that nobody would even know who she even is and it makes even less sense that they’d give her a gift or whatever. and the psych ward section made me so angry at how inaccurate it was that I actually had to go outside
this ””””””author”””””” is clearly a 30 something year old who’s only trauma in life (outside of being trolled on xitter) was their favorite food place shutting down when they were a kid
disgusting
No.135370
>>135366>random classmates>caring enough to send gifts to peopleWho the FUCK is writing this rusted shack of a story GEG no one in the soystory of forever would do that, this person is clearly trying to write something he is not familiar with because he's a stupid animalistic goy that needs to be put down
No.135395
>>135370i think its obvious that xheir favorite character is maya and they're doing this as a self-indulgent fantasy
No.135397
>>135395Please put these goyim out of my misery
No.135401
>>135400MISERY?!!!!!!
BY WRITERCHAD?!!!!
No.135408
>>129224so i just saw this uploaded to AO3 and considering that you also wrote "a search for maya", and since you clearly browse the site, im assuming you saw the comments here regarding that and am assuming that played a role in why you took it down?
No.135409
>>135407
No that’s not me, mine is still being written and takes place about a year and a half after Coco and Mymy were adopted. And that guy should use a different title I think lidly already used that one.
No.135410
>>135408don't think he's here anymore, poor guy got mogged by writerCHAD and bullied by goontaneous
No.135413
>>135409Oh ok
Also apologies making you reply to a deleted post, I just thought it was worded poorly
No.135414
>>135410>goontaneousMarge
No.135415
>>135413Deleting your posts to reword them is aryan or something
No.135464
>>135366did this nigga kill your mom or something? there's no way its that bad
<AO3spacejust read it
yeah its that bad
No.135465
>>135464Can someone like, make a summary so we're spared the pain of having to read through however many pages of COAL there are
No.135467
>>135465@zrok can you do this?
No.135491
>>135476Use youcompress so it gets properly downsized, then convertio to convert it to any other extension
No.135493
>>135476Use a catbox link I NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS
No.135519
>>135476are you gonna link this? I really want to listen to this gem
No.135544
>>135476Can you please upload it?
No.135545
>>135544He cancelled the upload out of spite
No.135547
>>135545What’s up with the slfs today, this zaryan won’t upload his rant about D&R, and that other zaryan won’t upload his secret file of ‘lig wips
No.135548
>>135547I’m gonna keep harassing this nigga until he uploads it or posts a catbox link or SOMETHING
No.135549
>>135548Me too, nigga upload your shit on catbox NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
No.135555
>>135476we've been master baited
No.135557
>>135554Calm down he’s probably busy today. Hopefully we’ll get to hear this gem tomorrow or over the weekends
No.135559
>>135476upload it
NOOOOOOOOOOOOWW No.135560
sorry zaryans, i rerecorded the rant because i got lost in track along the way. gimme a few more hours
No.135561
>>135560PRAISE THE LORD JESUS CHRIST WE ARE GETTING OUR GEMS! THE ZARTY AS WE KNOW IT IS SAVED!But seriously, no pressure, it’ll be funny regardless
No.135564
crashout:
https://litter.catbox.moe/m0r74b0eylwgg1gi.wav<rantspacerant annotations
https://litter.catbox.moe/y8eqem73w5ezcp3v.pdf<rantspacei legit lose my mind three quarters in, there are also faint sounds of crickets so i had to tweak the audio a bit
No.135567
>>135564asperges nobel child giving notes from his fathers estate gem
No.135568
it gets funny 26 mins in geg
No.135577
>>135571aryan super soldier
No.135578
>>135571he really does sound like tyhat
No.135580
>>135571Do I actually sound like him?
No.135581
>>135580yes you should do a dub of him it would be kino
No.135585
>>135564Somebaldi make a video with visuals on this
No.135603
>>135564this sounds like those tapes you'd find in bendy and the ink machine
No.135604
>>135603I was thinking of holotape entries as you progress through a fallout dungeon before fighting a glowing ghoul named “the author” ofzo
No.135608
>>135564its kind of jarring to hear "Soei" pronounced as "Soh-ee" because I always pronounced it as "Soy" btw, if that matters
No.135618
>>135564>prompteris an absolute GEM of a term
No.135620
>>13556428:05 why do you own a chicken geg
No.135621
>>135564you shouldve compared it to MISERY to draw it out to an hour
No.135622
>>135621Do I rant about what makes MISERY good too?
No.135696
>>135622are you gonna do dis or no
No.135704
>>135696I will, but I don't feel too good right now. Sometime soon