No.128880[Last 50 Posts]
i was looking on the 'ru and saw these friend books that piss me off so much. here's my spergerald why:
<redditspace
Coco:
>I am good at: I don't want to brag
Bullshit. Have you ever met a humble 8 year old?
>I don't like: Wasting time
I sincerly doubt that any child would be concerned about something as insignificant to them as time
>Animal: Turritopsis Dohrnii
and
>What I want to be when I grow up: Very old
Are incredibly unsubtle in what it's trying to say. <Coco lost her parents! So she's like, le scared of death! So, she'd like thing that live forever and she'd like, wanna live forever!
Change her animal to something more realistic, as with all of the animals in South Africa, I doubt a child would pick something as ugly as a jellyfish. Change what she wants to be to something like a nurse or a vet, which shows she's always liked helping people (which is realistic!!!)
It's really, really on the nose.
Overall with this one: Very on the nose, and doesn't feel like a child wrote this.
<Redditspace
Maya:
>My Hobbies: Using the computer
I highly doubt she would've gotten a computer this young with a mother like Soei.
>My Sports: None
Again, I highly doubt that Maya wouldn't play sports with a mother like Soei.
>I'm not that good at: Paying attention
I doubt that any child would have any concept of "paying attention" or even know that they're bad at it. There are far more things that she could be bad at, but NOPE. Gotta go with the on the nose
<She was always bad at paying attention, which was like, le foreshadowing for le ADHD!
>I really don't like: School
This is really boring. There could've been so many interesting things here that she doesn't like that could've revealed more about her character, but Massa just decided to state the obvious.
>Vacation: Home
Bullshit. Just Bullshit. What child have you ever met that didn't like going on vacation? What child hasn't loved going to an amusement park? An Aquarium? A Zoo?
>My biggest wish: Not having to go to school anymore
I'm positive there are other things she wants more, like her cat.
>What I want to be: I dunno
Genuine, unfiltered, unimaginable bullshit. You cannot excuse something as stupid as this. Have you ever met an 8 year old that didn't want to be an Astronaut? A Racecar Driver? An F1 Driver? A Firefighter? Football Player? Superhero? It is so on the nose with
<Le Maya was never le happy!
Which is bullshit and boring. If Maya used to be happy and full of optimism and whimsy, it makes it far more interesting, and tragic, when she becomes bitter and cynical. Loss of innocence is really upsetting, but I can't feel bad for someone who was apparently never innocent (which is stupid)
Overall: This was trying way too hard to build sympathy for Maya, and it all falls apart when you think about it beyond a surface level. It feels like the expository crashout: It feels deep and insightful, but it's unrealistic, unimpactful, and incredibly shallow. I said it once and I'll say it again: Having Maya lose her innocence and whimsy is far more tragic and saddening than her never having them in the first place
<Redditspace
Mymy:
This will probably start some leakage, but I really don't like Mymy. She doesn't belong in a show as grounded as Ongezellig. She feels like she was taken from another show, and feels more like a gag-machine than an actual character. Massa literally said that she left for the Netherlands when she was 6 by sneaking out of Japan, and that she went there because she "Thought it was better." To me, this shows that Massa threw her in last second without much thought, and made her backstory that because he thought it was "funny" instead of actually trying to come up with an interesting explanation as to how she ended up in the Netherlands like Coco did. She should've honestly been cut from the show (or been relegated to a background character) and had Maya and Coco's relationship be center stage. But NOPE! Can't cut that because it's too funny, am I right? No need to worry that a wacky and zaney character will undercut my original intentions!
Anyway with my second sperg out of the way, it pisses me off that this is the only one that makes sense. It feels like someone who understands nothing about the world wrote it (LIKE A CHILD!!! *GASP* CRAZY!!!!!)
<Redditspace
overall, these friendbooks (and Maya's Sweet 16 in general) are trying way too hard to build sympathy and intrigue, but did in such an on the nose way, it makes the characters feel fake. It doesn't feel like I am reading the friend book of a real child with real thoughts, feelings, and desires. It feels like I'm reading from the script of Amazing Digital Circus with how unsubtle everything is.
<Redditspace
Little rant about Maya's Sweet 16:
This was such a wasted opportunity of a comic. The dream sequence is yet another example of Massa trying to build sympathy without taking the effort to build it naturally. Her dream sequence is practically grabbing you by the neck and screaming in your face YOU MUST FEEL BAD FOR HER! THIS IS SAD! SHE'S CRYING, SEE? DON'T YOU FEEL BAD?! It also jumps into it WAAAAY too quickly, and this is a consequence of the comic being too short.
Her vomiting to avoid celebrating her birthday and going to school also feels like a lazy excuse for Massa to not have to write anything "uncomfortable" that would've actually built sympathy. We could've seen how her self hatred results in her being overwhelmed with shame when show even a shred of gratitude from her sisters. We could've how she freezes up and doesn't know what to do when she's the center of attention. We could see how she's utterly incapable of functioning in a social setting, constantly on the verge of a panic attack if she has to so much as speak to anyone. We could see how she's shaky and anxious throughout the whole day, worried people are judging her for the slightest thing. All these thing stacking on top of each other and building tension, making the reader wonder if she's gonna be able to get through the day without having a meltdown.
But no, instead we just got her throwing up and never getting to see any of that.
What a waste of potential.
<Redditspace
TL;DR Massa is pretty bad at writing
No.128881
>>128880I never read darkwolf/writerfail's schizo ramblings but I'm CERTAIN this is better
No.128883
the friendbookjes are clearly the current personalities and interests of the girls projected onto their younger self and with this perspective it is makes more sense.
No.128884
>>128880I can relate to maya on some points so that's not too wrong. I'd say it's her innate desire to be introverted. other than that makes sense.
you could've delivered this message more /calm/ly zaryan, lower your cortisol for a longer and healthier life
No.128885
>>128881Getting mad as children is something
… but anyways yeah. I only read Coco and Maya's, I read the rest tomorrow. And it would be hard writing children when you a nasty degenerate brony who smells like absolute shit
No.128888
>Are incredibly unsubtle in what it's trying to say. <Coco lost her parents! So she's like, le scared of death! So, she'd like thing that live forever and she'd like, wanna live forever!
Terribly misreading it, she just wants to be a nice old lady. Wholesome kind hearted child ambitions. Kys massahater you will never make anything. Saged your seethe
No.128889
>>128880>Bullshit. Have you ever met a humble 8 year old?yes? even if they're rare, Ongezellig is a cartoon so of course there's going to be exaggeration.
>I sincerly doubt that any child would be concerned about something as insignificant to them as timehave you considered that maybe you were just a stupid kid?
>I doubt a child would pick something as ugly as a jellyfish.children love weird animals, what are you talking about?
>with a mother like Soei.elaborate. i don't remember Massa describing Soei as strict.
>I doubt that any child would have any concept of "paying attention" or even know that they're bad at it.have you considered that maybe you were just a stupid kid? again, even if it's unrealistic, Ongezellig is a cartoon so of course there's going to be exaggeration.
>but Massa just decided to state the obvious.you get mad at Massa's writing for being unrealistic, but then when he writes something realistic and expected, you call it too obvious.
>What child have you ever met that didn't like going on vacation?Adam Lanza. some children have separation anxiety, whether it be for their parents or for their home.
>Genuine, unfiltered, unimaginable bullshit. You cannot excuse something as stupid as this. Have you ever met an 8 year old that didn't want to be an Astronaut? A Racecar Driver? An F1 Driver? A Firefighter? Football Player? Superhero?are you even a human? lots of children are unsure about what they want to be.
No.128891
massa would have been better off relegating the writing of ongezellig to someone possessing an affinity for subtlety and most importantly, eloquence.
it would be unsurprising if he never thought of this, or, thought of it and decided against it. he has a history of having awful judgement and making equally awful decisions that go against what he needs in favor of what he wants:
>i don't like talking to people outside of my inner circle so i'm going to make a discord server (this decision is a nonsensical exception, he has shown himself to hate interacting with the masses, i can only assume he was peer pressured into doing this).
>i need money so i'm going to exclusively use a dutch alternative to patreon and never sell merch (i think everybody can agree that intentionally warding off success for the sake of a supposedly lofty ideal, that is clearly anything but, is ridiculous and self-destructive).
>internationals have taken a liking to my work for the first time, so i'm going to immediately alienate them.
>ongezellig is my most successful work, so i'm going to shun it and pretend that it doesn't exist like an abusive parent.ongezellig didn't have to be a failure and this proves it.
>>128883it makes sense but it's still awful. this show doesn't attract third worlders like a flame attracts moths for no reason.
No.128899
>>128881>darkwolf/writerfailliteral who
No.128902
>>128883that was exactly my point. it didnt feel like a child was writing it, it felt like massa was writing it
No.128903
>>128889>yes? even if they're rare, Ongezellig is a cartoon so of course there's going to be exaggeration.i shouldve added more to this point originally so my bad, but i was trying to say that children dont really care if they brag or not.
>have you maybe considered you were just stupid as a kidyeah im a stupid kid because i wasnt concerned with time when an hour felt like a day
>children love weird animals!not really my point but i did word it pretty piss poor. i was trying to say that the only reason this was picked was because Massa wanted to emphasize that Coco was scared of death instead picking something that a child would ACTUALLY pick
>elaborate. i don't remember Massa describing Soei as strict.he said in a leaked paypig call that she was "a bitch" who ignores Maya and puts a lot of pressure on Coco, but I think that Soei would've put pressure on Maya for a while
>have you considered that maybe you were just a stupid kid? again, even if it's unrealistic, Ongezellig is a cartoon so of course there's going to be exaggeration.also bad way of putting on my part. i should've just said that it feels like Massa wrote this instead of a child
>you get mad at Massa's writing for being unrealistic, but then when he writes something realistic and expected, you call it too obvious.also shit way of putting my point (god i should've proofread this). i meant to say it like "massa had an opportunity for exposition but wasted it"
>Adam LanzaAdam Lanza was a fucking psychopath was mental disorders up the wazoo. Maya has ADHD and ADHD only.
>are you even a human? lots of children are unsure about what they want to be.that's fair. i should've removed that bit and have it exclusively focus on Massa simply doing it because "le maya was never le happy!" instead of making it more tragic that she wanted to be something but ended up losing that interest
No.128906
>>128905>you dont know this literal who so you a nuzoi!i dont give a shit about namefags
No.128907
>>128903>Adam Lanza was a fucking psychopath was mental disorders up the wazoo.he definitely wasn't a psychopath. he had autism, ocd, and sensory integration disorder. he was fairly normal as a kid and i think him and Maya are pretty similar personality wise (Adam even envied his more popular older brother, the same way Maya envies Coco).
No.128908
>>128907i feel like comparing her to adam lanza is pretty extreme considering one killed 26 people and the other just doesnt like people all that much
No.128911
>>128910pretentious little cuck
No.128918
>>128917>curry's orange hairwhat
No.128919
>>128918Yes Curry has Orange hair
And I think someone said Ketchup was also turned into Mymy
No.128927
>>128919>and bumblebee!ass character
No.128929
>>128881I STILL DONT KNOW WHO THESE PHONOS ARE
No.128931
>>128917>>128918>>128919>>128927Sorry I mixed them up It's Mayo with the orange hair.
No.128932
>>128931yeah idk why massa switched their names like that
you'd think that mayo would be maya and curry would be coco but
NOOOOOOO!! THAT MAKES TOO MUCH SENSE! No.128943
>>128927Zeg
>>128932Curry brown because pajeet
Mayo white because cracker
Hair doesn't matter
No.128945
While we're clittyleaking I always thought it was retarded to have two of the three main characters be named "Maya" and "Mymy." It's just confusing at first.
No.128946
>>128945Meds, their names are beautiful, gender affirming and not retarded.
No.128947
>>128880MassaLee, I kneel…
No.128951
>>128932I think Massa said that they inspired Maya and Coco
No.128954
>>128889Trvke that eternally BTFO massa haters nusois
>>128903A kid not knowing what to do when she grows up doesn't mean she's unhappy, you're onto nothing
No.128961
>>128880Have you thought about rewriting them the way you wanted to? We have the tools including the font we made
No.128991
>>128945yeah i think massa realized that when writing mayamail, which is probably why her name is pippi in those to prevent confusion
No.128992
>>128961its not gonna change anything, im simply criticizing what already exists
No.128993
>>128954my point was that massa is trying to make it seem that way, and that her actually wanting to be something would've made it more tragic as for the thrembillionth time,
having someone lose their childish joy and whimsy and turn into bitter and cynical is far more interesting and tragic than someone who was always a cynical bum from the start No.128997
>>128993Maya was always going to struggle with things like decisions and socializing because of ADD, and she lost whatever childish whimsy a kid with ADD has when her parents adopted two new kids who didn’t have disorders preventing them from being outwardly normal and she interpreted this as being replaced because of inadequacy, anxieties that her parents clearly never did anything to assuage. Along with having to give up her cat, the closest thing she had to friendship, because of Coco’s allergies. And she has already gone through these things by the time they fill out these vriendenboekjen, so you’d need go earlier to see Maya before she became a cynical bum, and we don’t really have any content from before the adoptions.
No.128998
>>128993I don't think that's the case. I think seeing a person's natural inclinations and predisposition be played out is more interesting than another "normal person gets completely changed by event" spiel. I also think you're reading into it, being lackluster doesn't equal to being unhappy.
No.128999
>>128993even doe the pasfotos clearly indicate she was happy as a kid and cococucks ruined it for her
No.129043
>>129010writergegbvll did this in the second chapter of his fanfic (which also took three months, kek!)
No.129044
>>129043gegbvll even though you're the only person who cares about him
No.129046
>>129044obsession never goes away, does it?
No.129047
>>129043Any link to his fic by the way
No.129048
>>129046everything on this website is forced
No.129050
>>129049this is just Death and Reborn if it didn't suck ass
No.129052
>>129049Why are the AO3 commemts so obsessed
No.129055
>>129043should i read it?
No.129057
>>129055Do you have like 15 minutes to spare and want to read another maya suicide attempt fic, but this time authored by a chud with personal experience (her eyes would be more bloodshot btw) instead of the usual reddit esl writertroons?
No.129060
>>129057Writergod if you’re here, it’s pretty good, much better than most ao3 slop, I’m just leaking because I’m sick of Maya suicide stories and there are faggots in your comments.
If you want feedback, I have a few actual notes.
Don’t use redundant imagery like describing the smell of wet concrete as damp, ears that painfully ache, or that a spasm is “awful” when you also characterized it much better as “like molten daggers”. At best the weaker words just hold back the stronger ones, at worst they make the whole thing weaker.
Try to avoid repeated phrases unless it’s for a specific effect. You use “just get it over with” well in chapter one to build the tension, but in part two you use “a bit of drool rolled down her chin” twice within a few lines, and end two sentences in a row with “all together” in the hospital.
Be careful about using the (pronoun + sensory/ thought verb) combination, because it usually comes off as filtering. “Coco could see her friends waving to her from under a tree” and “Coco knew that the nurse was probably exhausted” are telling, but “her friends waved to her from under a tree” and “the nurse was probably exhausted” are showing. You didn’t do it much, but it adds separation between the reader and the character, which can be useful at times if you want impersonality, but plays against the writing when we know Coco’s thoughts.
No.129061
>>129060when you are going to criticize writerfailcaca, that's how you should do it
No.129062
>>129060maya suicide is a mass obsession brought on from the shame of being a brown third worlder
No.129064
I've read a few fics on AO3 and gave some of them a chance. I spent like 7 hours reading A Search for Maya and the twist was so retarded it made me unreasonably angry for some time
No.129066
>>129064I skimmed it and this shit is nearly unreadable. If the twist you’re talking about is how Maya “disappeared” by hiding in the attic with Ravi’s help, I would be pissed too if I had actually read it. As if Ravi would let his wife and other daughters think Maya was likely dead for weeks and lead the cops on a wild goose chase, instead of taking her to a therapist or mental facility. And there’s somehow seven more chapters of this coal yet to come.
Best part was writerkek sperging in the comments about how boring it was.
No.129079
>>129060post xhis on his fic o algo and see how he responds
No.129080
>>129066I don't want to coal my brain up by reading shitty fucking AO3s I already had my fair share with SG
No.129098
>>129066that’s our little sperger… :’)
No.129107
>>129055i thought it was interesting.
i liked how one of the minor characters actually felt like a character, which is pretty surprising
No.129117
>>129108i believe xhe meant snoot game
No.129120
>>129118ohhhh okay very gemmy very gemmy
No.129167
>>129166Writercacas on their way to write the most raunchy self insert porn known to mankind on some shitty website
No.129172
>>129166I wrote fanfiction once
No.129174
>>129172what was it called
No.129175
>>129174A girl of whimsy:An Ongezellig Tale.
Shit was so bad when I finish it just had to be deleted
No.129176
>>129175what was it aboot
No.129177
>>129175people probably wouldve liked it considering people think 10 Dutch Days is peak
No.129178
>>129176It was writen in the perspective of Stan, as he grew to like Maya. But they thing was is that I couldn't write well, so every chapter was shit
>>129177I read it once, it was trash but A for effort. But yeah Maybe
No.129179
>>129178redditpiggies will eat whatever slop that gets shit out
No.129180
>>129178were xhey like gonna fall in love o algo
No.129181
>>129179I don't like producing slop, and they wouldn't have understood it anyways
>>129180In a draft of it yes, but I thought they were too underdeveloped and ot was to soon
No.129184
>>129182Peak is for redditors
Gems(or zems) are for us chuds and zaryans
No.129187
>>129166The worst part is there is so much degeneracy on ao3 that these yuricoal short stories are nothing compared to the pedorapeincest porn niggerhell brimstone posted there. Most fic writer deserve horrible torture.
No.129189
>>129187Thought on
>>129175 story?
No.129190
>>129182i meant to put quotations around it
No.129191
>>129181i mean the point of a draft is to make it not shit LATER
No.129192
>>129187trvke
(this is FrankHasselsSon btw)
No.129193
>>129189I thought xhe said xhe deleted it
No.129195
>>129192i checked it and it was writerfail who pointed out so giga to xhim (though he says lel which is like a sin o algo)
No.129196
>>129193No like thoughs on the premise
No.129200
>>129195Geg he then immediately starts apologizing for taking too long to write his fic
No.129208
>>129196I generally don’t think maya relationship fics make too much sense because she has issues that would prevent her from actually forming a romantic relationship, mainly her self hatred would eat away at the relationship’s foundation because she wouldn’t be able to actually believe someone liked her. I think the more interesting fic would be about maya working on her problems to even get to a point a relationship is feasible, or better yet fics should be about the sibling dynamic at the heart of ongezellig. That being said, I’m sure it was much better than any yuricoal, and the author even said xhe thought pressing a relationship was too soon, which isn’t a thought that would ever cross a writertroon’s mind, so that seems like a mark of sanity.
No.129211
>>129210You should keep writing doe, you’ll get better the more you write, and even iron fics would help offset the mountain of coal and brimstone on ao3. I’m (slowly) writing a backstory fic based on an image from here and a line Massa said in the paypig call.
No.129215
>>129173the quality difference is actually insane considering that both are their first fics
No.129218
>>129064im surprised that writerfail didn't sperg about that
(though maybe he's still writing it
GEG)
No.129219
>>129043yeah he did
>For a brief moment, she could almost hear Maya saying ‘I love you!’ In that high-pitched giggle as she tackle-hugged her, with the biggest, toothiest grin on her face.
>Coco’s jaw quivered. Her throat swelled as she choked back tears. Her knuckles turned white as she tightly gripped her locket with both hands.
>God, what she’d do to get it back… No.129222
>>129220some niggermutt on ao3 who wrote an incest fic between maya and mymy, and complaining that normal people are disgusted by that
No.129224
>>129214It’s about 8 year old Maya struggling to adjust to life with her recently adopted sisters, and her relationship with Ravi and Soei.
No.129226
>>129225kek
its actually really funny watching xim leak about being a slow writer and how xhe wishes xhe wasnt such an perfectionist
No.129227
>>129226although "leakage" probably isnt the best way of describing it
No.129229
>>129219>>129224Sounds adorable, I always love a good back story. Also sidenote do you think Coco has a violent temper?
No.129230
>>129227I would just call it sperging
No.129231
>>129229We know Coco has violent outbursts when her birth parents are brought up. But I would say she probably tries to keep her temper under control, and limit negative thoughts and feelings in general, which means they are likely to build up over time and makes it worse whenever they do come out.
No.129256
>>129229Adorable is the only word that sounds adorable, does that make sense?
No.129274
>>129064>>129066the author deleted it, i think they saw this post geg
i remember wondering if Maya was gonna be in the upside down or something, and i remember when the twist happened that she was in the house the whole time, i got so mad at how stupid it was that i had to go outside
No.129280
>>129274Geg another fic lost due to heckin evil zarty criticism.
No.129284
While researching my fiktie (I am the Iets Waars Zaryan) I found out that Kiki, despite having her own voice file by Kayleigh Luyks (Vera), she doesn't even have a fucking surname. But the watermelon negress does. It's even in Vera's dossier
<waar space
Massa is so retarded he can't even give the Frenchie a French-sounding name
No.129285
>>129284I mean none of them have surnames aside from Cleo, so maybe if he didn’t burn himself out then Cleo would’ve been important
No.129286
>>129274No fucking way they deleted it?
<waar spaceHOLY SHIT XE XID GEEEEEEEEEG
>Works (2) instead of (3) No.129287
>>129286He probably had no idea what he was doing and probably hated it anyways, as nobody would delete their work over one comment if they weren’t already on the edge of deleting it
No.129288
>>129284Because we Saar’s were talking about xim (and you look like a competent writer), what are your thoughts on writerfail’s work MISERY?
No.129289
>>129286If anyone wants to ask for the fik, I have it saved as a docx for self-consumption and I have to tell you, it was the worst seven hours of my life because I had to at least do four separate sittings of readings just to slog through it all. The Kiki-Mymy game was cliché expositorial gibberish then for whatever reason she stops the omega Dutch larp (??), Coco destroying the drum kit because she's depressed ofzo
<waar spaceThen again Ravi hiding Maya in the attic while watching his wife and two stepchildren break down while he is being a Roman statue about it all is so fucking funny to me
<waar space No.129290
>>129288Personally I like Free Indirect Discourse. Though I'm not opposed to descriptive writing like what A Search for Maya did, it was just so voluminous and that I was basically inside their skulls and I know what each character was thinking because every emotional state was like stage direction. Spoonfeeding spoons
<waar spaceAs an aside, you can freely criticise my writing here. The FID in this case is leaning toward Rens
No.129291
>>129289my issue with it is just how fucking LONG it was. it could’ve been a funny bad story but it being so long just made it annoying bad
No.129292
>>129290I think you replied to the wrong post
No.129294
>>129292I saw "competent writer" 😳
No.129300
>>129294so what do you think of writerfail
No.129303
>>129300I've read Misery. So far, it's working to evoke a sense of helplessness. I like the idea. The dialogue with the nurse was particularly something I caught on. A sense of realism, a background character who interacts with a protagonist as if they were just two people who are in need of seeing someone and showing that someone respectively
<waar spaceHowever, like that one nophono said, too much telling. I liked the vivid descriptions of Maya's attempt, but the schoolyard was heavily dependent on telling us what Coco was doing, while also not taking advantage of the atmosphere, of a September afternoon in the Netherlands. As Zaryans, we know what the schoolyard looks like, but that context should not be marginal
<waar spaceThat one authorial intrusion of thr FID/interiority saying Coco felt like shit genuinely made me chuckle
<waar spaceOverall, it's working. Clumsily, but it's nothing proofreading can fix. I recommend Writerfail does more compression, especially filtering. Because
>Coco’s phone suddenly buzzed in her bag, “Oh! S-Sorry,” She said as she fumbled with her bag, “Someone’s texting me!”could be worded better. Writerfail needs to trust the reader. This passage in particular, if I may, would be better if it said less but showed more
<Her phone buzzes. "Oh! S-sorry!" Fumbling for her bag. "Someone's calling me!"Compression is key. Same information, but with less volume. This is how I write for example because I love close-third present tense to establish immediacy because I spare adverbs for the moments where they really matter
No.129305
>>129303i wonder if the nurse is gonna be important because if not than im surprised that he'd go out of his way to characterize her (which is a good thing, but surprising)
No.129306
>>129304
Everyone has different styles. Writerfail just needs a bit of a nudge when it comes to more showy writing. I have a very empirical way of writing, which can be seen in what I am about to quote from IW, where I make Vera rant about le stroopwafel:
>“Sorry. I haven’t eaten.”
<Right index finger to the island. “I’ve got snacks. Help yourself.”
>“Lollipops?”
<“I take it you like sweets, Kamerman.”
>“My mom tells me I need to watch my sugar.”
<She goes to the island, grabs a lollipop with the ashtray, and fits one into her mouth, tasting the sweetness, “I have stroopwafels.”
>“I’d love to but not now.”
<“Sounds like the words of a man who would have a more refined palate.” She grabs two from the packet and hands one to him. The other she places on top her coffee.
>“It’s not that, mevrouw.” He takes it, asks for a plate, lays it there. “I just eat anything. I’m craving for a cheeseburger actually.”
<“Cheese.” Pulling her seat back, lollipop exiting her lips. “When most people hear cheese, they think of places. Amerika. Parma and Reggia Emilia. Zwitserland. Gouda.” She spins the lollipop stick. “Syrup waffles are out of the picture for outsiders who hear of Gouda in particular. 1810, 1837, 1840, 1853. Whatever the dates are, Gerard Kamphuisen is the one name constant when you hear of the pastry’s origins.”
^The lollipop makes its way back into her mouth, and so do his eyes, before it comes out again. 4th of July starts.
<“Well, some want to stretch it to 1784. I highly doubt it.”
^He says nothing.
<“This baker from Gouda mixed dough scraps with a syrup of his own making. His recipe was sealed in an unopened envelope by his bakery, though by the Springtime of the Peoples, the recipe was already known. With these peasant uprisings, you’d have people needing to sustain themselves on whatever was at hand, and a syrupwafel borne from scraps had got them a crude nickname because of the people who ate them, armenkoeken—the poor man’s cookie.”
>“Reminds me of ship biscuits.”
<“Precisely. But the wafel, unlike hardtack, managed to make it out of its periphery and became sensational. Whereas the ship biscuit was the sustenance of the naval tradition—it got as far as the trenches we never trudged in, but only just—” Pinching her fingers, “Stroopwafels were truly made for the masses.” Palm wide open.
>“Am I really listening to you talking about the history of a waffle?”
<“Then I’ll stop.”
>His left fist on his lips, his cheeks a slight bright hue. “No, please continue.”
<“The Industrial Revolution happened, that one bakery in Gouda got enough gas to sustain a commercial enterprise, an industrial behemoth of its own kind, and by the Franco-Prussian War was also the first time the wafel made it out of its hometown in meaningful ways. Ninety years after the skirmish, Gouda is now the stroopwafel hub it is today, at that time having seventeen factories dedicated to that pastry alone.”
>“It also happens to make good cheese.”
<The confectionery’s circular shape fits exactly the ashtray. “You already know September 30th.”
>“A day entirely dedicated to stroopwafels, why?” His surveillance on the moist sweetmeat.
<“Twenty-two million packets per annum is truly worth celebrating. But what we Dutchmen can’t resist doing is a sense of reclamation. We do it against the sea, hence the provinces that are entirely polders. And we did it with a pastry whose tradition it was derived from is distinctly continental.”
>“Well, the Belgians do have their waffles.”
<“And the Belgians owe their tradition to the French. The first waffle guild—and do not think of it as something silly, Kamerman—was by the Parisian oubliers in 1270, over half a millennium before Kamphuisen’s first scraps, though one can argue the oublies they made are precursors to waffles than actual waffles. And a comprehensive cookbook Le Ménagier de Paris, dating from 1393, already laid out the backbone of what waffles would become. We tried to be different by using caramel syrup instead of cheese, and putting the wafel over our coffee before the first bite, the heat a part of the process, the waiting itself a ritual.” Cigarette on her right, its turn to making it for her mouth.
^He cannot stop looking as she then devours the entire thing in one sitting.
>“So waffles are continental, but I don’t see the issue here, mevrouw.”
<“The revolutionary aspect of the stroopwafel was that it was a snack made for commoners by a commoner. It has largely achieved that.” She takes a drink. “If it is quintessentially Dutch next to windmills, polders, dikes, tulips, clogs and bicycles, the same can be said for a sack of rice from Soerabaja, or cigarettes from Aruba.” She takes a hit. “And people nowadays only see why things are there but not why they were put there. Not, ‘Why is that there.’ It’s just there, and the objects are unable to not compel them otherwise.”
>“Why do you say that, mevrouw?”
<“People don’t know how to think, but instead they only know how to react to certain stimuli.”
^The kitchen is quiet for a little bit.
>He takes off his glasses. “Well, I think I’m hungry.”
<“Again, help yourself.”
No.129405
>>129173>Chud writes better than redditroonwhat a shock
No.129424
>>129405There should be a victorian study about this
No.129444
>>129405@Zrok why is MISERY better than Death and ReBorn like this man claims? Does writerfail being a Chud have anything to do with it like they also claim?
No.129454
>>129444@zrok why havent you answered
No.129461
@zrok you will always be a gem
No.129462
>>129460Thanks Zrok, actual good insight
Since the normgroid community has no proper criticism with each other, and no such accountability and responsibility, they do whatever even if it means bringing their standards down the drain.
<Meanwhile for chuddies, we're always reaching for the next highest goals and excellence, so even if we make gems, our standards are always climbing up, so we see our gems as coal and want to improve better from it.
<I speak from experience of zoiets No.129467
>>129460I remember writerfail was complaining about something in a story and someone came in clittyleaking about
>STOP CRITICIZING IT YOU NEED TO BE HECKIN WHOLESOME 100 KINO CHUNGUS YOURE BEING SO RUDE FOR GIVING FEEDBACK REEEEEEEEEEyes i am obsessed with writerfail and i look for all xheir spergeralds No.129485
>>129306style is really only something that can be developed with time, so the last few chapters of the story will probably be more focused and polished than the first
No.129491
>>129460@Zrok, why is it that communities like Reddit and Discord have such toxic positivity like this? Is it due to the nature of upvotes incentivizing people to restrict their critical thinking and/or true thoughts to maximize upvotes? If that’s so, then why does Discord have the same problem?
No.129492
>>129491*then what causes Discord to have the same issue despite having no point system in place whatsoever?
No.129493
>>129492They wanna groom. Don't want people you're grooming to dislike you. Profiles cause this, not points.
No.129500
>>129498Zrok is right on the spot on this, but I will add there is nothing magic in having a number attached to a post, discord reacts work the same way, or just any other form of praise or criticism. There is a lot of group think in the soysphere.
No.129503
>>129498Should use the word "vibe" randomly more. For that authentic ai slop feel…
No.129505
>>129503it's not just a vibe–it's raw and unfiltered. and honestly? that's fuggen zeldee–my nigger.
No.129512
>distinguishing personal beliefs from personal views
Bro what
No.129516
>>129507@zrok do redditcacas really say and look like this?
>>129173 No.129519
>>128880>The dream sequence is yet another example of Massa trying to build sympathy without taking the effort to build it naturally. Her dream sequence is practically grabbing you by the neck and screaming in your face YOU MUST FEEL BAD FOR HER! THIS IS SAD! SHE'S CRYING, SEE? DON'T YOU FEEL BAD?!I
Lie. My first impression by the comic I've got in 2023 was completely opposite to your description. I honestly remember that to be a very deep and touching moment, and its quick appearance in the comic was for good, it began abruptly and hit sharply, that was surely a good decision imho. Although I was younger back then, could have just been more susceptive.
No.129529
>>129519i feel that the feeling of it being disheartening might come from how heavily you related to Maya and how much you sympathized with her BEFORE you read the comic. I was the same, attaching myself to her and feeling what she felt as it was happening because I liked her, and I believed that it was truly disheartening and saddening. But overtime, as I became less attached emotionally attached, I re-read it and saw how flawed it really was.
<redditspaceSomeone who wouldn't really relate to Maya isn't going to find it as disheartening, as the comic itself fails to make them care (and the only way it would've been able to do that is if it had more time and length to really show how fucked she is). It only hits if you cared in the first place, and if someone was more attached to someone like Coco or Mymy, they wouldn't find this story all that impactful.
No.129534
@zrok write "nigger" 1448 times
No.129535
>>129527@zrok can you summarize the 2nd text by in
>>129173 because i dont feel like reading it
No.129571
>>129462(I know from experience sadly)
No.129867
>>129860They don't even have their surnames
No.129875
>>129867well couldnt the schoppenboars be next to eachother? at least then it would make partial sense and we could just assume that everyone else has a surname
No.129878
>>129875massafails…
NOT. LIKE. THIS. KEEEEEEKKKKK No.129879
>>129875But normally in these you'll have there full name
No.129887
>>129879that still doesnt excuse how its not in alphabetical order, and seems to have no order at all.
No.129890
>>129887Maybe he just made up the order, which is bullshit. I would not if Massa put more thought into his work(though he probably trooned cause he thought so hard) it would make sence for it to be in Alphabetical order and show their full names, but it raises the question. What was Massa thinking
No.129894
>>129892Ilse has no hairclip
And Roos hair got darker but that may be due to the lighting
No.129895
>>129892And Coco and Mymy were place on the bottom row
No.129899
>>129529I was a cocoCHAD from the very beginning doe.
No.129900
>>129897We are zaryans we're all retards
No.129902
>>129892cleo is supposed to come after mymy
No.129917
>>129916I already edited Venetiaan to come after the Schoppenboer sisters, check again
No.129923
>>129917but zoey comes before her, which she shouldnt be
No.129924
>>129916just noticed that Maya is stronger and has more wisdom that Mymy kek
No.129928
>>129925refer to this
>>129916 it shows that Cleo comes right after Mymy in alphabetical order by last name
No.129929
>>128919is this real because if so then i had no idea massa was based enough to say "niggers"
No.129931
>>129929Yes, it from the Mayo en Curry comics
No.129949
>>129929Massa got a severe case of troll's remorse, typical in 4cuckers older than 30
No.129975
how did this go from 'tistic spergerald, to whatever this story is about
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76552636?view_full_work=true to the class photos not having any sense of order at all
No.129976
>>129975*to whatever this story was about
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76552636?view_full_work=true and writerfail and how it was better than some redditrannies story or whatever (i didn't read either)
No.129977
>>129975Maya, in the ward
No.129999
File: 1776159162384.png (Spoiler Image, 168.08 KB, 1080x1345, Screenshot_2026-04-14_1729….png)
>>129986I've read enough comparative fanfics on 'O3 to grasp what kind of content Ziggers put out (Ice Cold Steam Engine, Hopes and Nightmares, When the Days Got Brighter in Amsterdam) to say that these people are writing for the sake of it and for the kudos and the fanduels in the reppies and whatnot
<'O3 'aceThen today I scrolled for a bit to find more long form zontent because I fucking hate oneshots then I saw this and promptly reminded myself to never visit the site again
No.130007
>>129999the authors name used to be
ibelieveinlolis so yeah theyre a niggerpedo (and they also say nigga a lot so theyre definitely a shitskin 4cuck)
No.130012
>>130007no they're affiliated with 'tok niggers I saw screenshots from a tiktok comment section where some nufag said that he loved the fanfiction and that he knows the author
No.130015
>>129999DOGTOOOOOOOOES WHAT IS THIS
No.130018
>>130012still shitskinned thoughie
No.130027
>>130019@zrok is this true?
No.130085
>>129976was the description changed? i dont remember there being anything about soei in the the description i remember it only being about Maya
No.130089
>>130027@zrok please answer
No.130091
>>130088im actually glad that was dialed back because the new description saying they know little "beyond the bare minimum" feels far more realistic instead of
>le evil hospital staff that are le evil because… BECAUSE THEY ARE OKAY?! FEEL BAD! No.130100
>>130098@zrok can you unpack the statement?
No.130159
>>130091trve
one note evil is not interesting
No.130459
>>130458This is why I don't touch that site with a thrembo feet long pole, I don't need to ruin my day by exposing myself to utter brimstone
No.130461
>>130459literally like one good one (this one)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76552636?view_full_work=true and apparently its written by a lazy faggot or something (idk its good or not i didnt read it, it's just made by a former chud so it's automatically gemmy)
No.130464
>>130461It’s been put on indefinite hiatus out of spite if that matters btw
No.130465
>>130464Typical just like my life is vantablack coal out of spite from the jews
No.130467
>>130464we should know at this point that a cancelled gem is better that ongoing coal (ongezellig is the literal example of this)
No.130469
>>130467ev&doe its not cancelled thoughie
No.130471
>>130458>>129166this gave me a realistic panic attack
No.130531
>>130471me too, but it was probably less realistic and glorified a bit
No.130599
Yeah, Mymy's more reminiscent of Alvin from his 1960s show (both serve as an "annoyance" to the others) or the average leading Hanna-Barbera character (Yogi Bear, Quick Draw McGraw, etc who would always make funny quips) than anything related to how the others were developed
No.130847
Apparently 3GoyGlowers, after sperging about A Search for Maya, uploaded something new o algo:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/83433391/chapters/219792796 No.130892
>>130847Incomprehensible story o algo
No.130893
>>129107yeah not a lot of amateurs put any characterization into background characters so i was pretty surprised by that
No.130894
>>130599No I don't agree
>>130602Falsenvke shitstone that nomymy cared about>>128880The trvth is OP Mymy is the single best character of Ongezellig and maybe even all of fiction. Don't believe me? Well what if I told you that I would never even consider re-watching Ongezellig once and I would definitely not obsess over it for years if it werent for Mymy. Mymy is the perfect character, she has captivated my mind and interest for years now I think about her every day. She has the perfect design, a charming and cute personality and she is chuddy. Only nophono would care about Ongezellig after all these years if Mymy wasn't a character, this is simply the truth that you are too afraid to acknowledge. Mymy outperforms any other character every thought of in fiction and you know this, Mymy is the sole reason Ongezellig had anymore screentime than like 5 minutes. Mymy is the sole reason any more Deels than the first one was made. You know this OP, stop lying. For the betterment of all our lives, stop living in denial, stop lying to yourself and to others. And (you) if you're reading this you know that Mymy
FVCKING VVON you'll realize one day if you haven't. Mymy won, Mymy's back hurts after carrying Ongezellig for years. I would never even remember the other girl's names if it weren't for Mymy that's how much she shines,
TOTAL MYMY VIKKKTORY No.130896
>>130894you need to stop taking stimulants, adhd isnt real you are just getting high and its ruining your brain
No.130901
>>130896I don't have ADHD I have Assburgers
>You need to stop taking stimulantsthings that will never happen
No.130902
>>130894not reading that so you're a shitskin niggerpedo that wants to rape mymy
No.130903
>>130894>not in Dutch / niet in het nederlandsgeg
No.130904
>>130901I wish this video was real
No.130905
>>130902>>130903Obsessed demoralising samefag go fuck yourself
No.130907
>>130901Don't scare me with these videos, one of these days it's going to happen though
No.130911
>>130905Nee,je houdt gewoon niet van Mymy, terwijl je weet dat ze van het Nederlands houdt
No.130920
>>130911Ik studeer Nederlands thuis, ik ben DTL (Dutch Third Language)
No.130921
>>130920Nederlands is mijn tweede taal. ik heb het geleerd omdat mijn Oma het sprak