No.128880[View All]
i was looking on the 'ru and saw these friend books that piss me off so much. here's my spergerald why:
<redditspace
Coco:
>I am good at: I don't want to brag
Bullshit. Have you ever met a humble 8 year old?
>I don't like: Wasting time
I sincerly doubt that any child would be concerned about something as insignificant to them as time
>Animal: Turritopsis Dohrnii
and
>What I want to be when I grow up: Very old
Are incredibly unsubtle in what it's trying to say. <Coco lost her parents! So she's like, le scared of death! So, she'd like thing that live forever and she'd like, wanna live forever!
Change her animal to something more realistic, as with all of the animals in South Africa, I doubt a child would pick something as ugly as a jellyfish. Change what she wants to be to something like a nurse or a vet, which shows she's always liked helping people (which is realistic!!!)
It's really, really on the nose.
Overall with this one: Very on the nose, and doesn't feel like a child wrote this.
<Redditspace
Maya:
>My Hobbies: Using the computer
I highly doubt she would've gotten a computer this young with a mother like Soei.
>My Sports: None
Again, I highly doubt that Maya wouldn't play sports with a mother like Soei.
>I'm not that good at: Paying attention
I doubt that any child would have any concept of "paying attention" or even know that they're bad at it. There are far more things that she could be bad at, but NOPE. Gotta go with the on the nose
<She was always bad at paying attention, which was like, le foreshadowing for le ADHD!
>I really don't like: School
This is really boring. There could've been so many interesting things here that she doesn't like that could've revealed more about her character, but Massa just decided to state the obvious.
>Vacation: Home
Bullshit. Just Bullshit. What child have you ever met that didn't like going on vacation? What child hasn't loved going to an amusement park? An Aquarium? A Zoo?
>My biggest wish: Not having to go to school anymore
I'm positive there are other things she wants more, like her cat.
>What I want to be: I dunno
Genuine, unfiltered, unimaginable bullshit. You cannot excuse something as stupid as this. Have you ever met an 8 year old that didn't want to be an Astronaut? A Racecar Driver? An F1 Driver? A Firefighter? Football Player? Superhero? It is so on the nose with
<Le Maya was never le happy!
Which is bullshit and boring. If Maya used to be happy and full of optimism and whimsy, it makes it far more interesting, and tragic, when she becomes bitter and cynical. Loss of innocence is really upsetting, but I can't feel bad for someone who was apparently never innocent (which is stupid)
Overall: This was trying way too hard to build sympathy for Maya, and it all falls apart when you think about it beyond a surface level. It feels like the expository crashout: It feels deep and insightful, but it's unrealistic, unimpactful, and incredibly shallow. I said it once and I'll say it again: Having Maya lose her innocence and whimsy is far more tragic and saddening than her never having them in the first place
<Redditspace
Mymy:
This will probably start some leakage, but I really don't like Mymy. She doesn't belong in a show as grounded as Ongezellig. She feels like she was taken from another show, and feels more like a gag-machine than an actual character. Massa literally said that she left for the Netherlands when she was 6 by sneaking out of Japan, and that she went there because she "Thought it was better." To me, this shows that Massa threw her in last second without much thought, and made her backstory that because he thought it was "funny" instead of actually trying to come up with an interesting explanation as to how she ended up in the Netherlands like Coco did. She should've honestly been cut from the show (or been relegated to a background character) and had Maya and Coco's relationship be center stage. But NOPE! Can't cut that because it's too funny, am I right? No need to worry that a wacky and zaney character will undercut my original intentions!
Anyway with my second sperg out of the way, it pisses me off that this is the only one that makes sense. It feels like someone who understands nothing about the world wrote it (LIKE A CHILD!!! *GASP* CRAZY!!!!!)
<Redditspace
overall, these friendbooks (and Maya's Sweet 16 in general) are trying way too hard to build sympathy and intrigue, but did in such an on the nose way, it makes the characters feel fake. It doesn't feel like I am reading the friend book of a real child with real thoughts, feelings, and desires. It feels like I'm reading from the script of Amazing Digital Circus with how unsubtle everything is.
<Redditspace
Little rant about Maya's Sweet 16:
This was such a wasted opportunity of a comic. The dream sequence is yet another example of Massa trying to build sympathy without taking the effort to build it naturally. Her dream sequence is practically grabbing you by the neck and screaming in your face YOU MUST FEEL BAD FOR HER! THIS IS SAD! SHE'S CRYING, SEE? DON'T YOU FEEL BAD?! It also jumps into it WAAAAY too quickly, and this is a consequence of the comic being too short.
Her vomiting to avoid celebrating her birthday and going to school also feels like a lazy excuse for Massa to not have to write anything "uncomfortable" that would've actually built sympathy. We could've seen how her self hatred results in her being overwhelmed with shame when show even a shred of gratitude from her sisters. We could've how she freezes up and doesn't know what to do when she's the center of attention. We could see how she's utterly incapable of functioning in a social setting, constantly on the verge of a panic attack if she has to so much as speak to anyone. We could see how she's shaky and anxious throughout the whole day, worried people are judging her for the slightest thing. All these thing stacking on top of each other and building tension, making the reader wonder if she's gonna be able to get through the day without having a meltdown.
But no, instead we just got her throwing up and never getting to see any of that.
What a waste of potential.
<Redditspace
TL;DR Massa is pretty bad at writing
229 posts and 66 image replies omitted. Click reply to view. No.130531
>>130471me too, but it was probably less realistic and glorified a bit
No.130599
Yeah, Mymy's more reminiscent of Alvin from his 1960s show (both serve as an "annoyance" to the others) or the average leading Hanna-Barbera character (Yogi Bear, Quick Draw McGraw, etc who would always make funny quips) than anything related to how the others were developed
No.130847
Apparently 3GoyGlowers, after sperging about A Search for Maya, uploaded something new o algo:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/83433391/chapters/219792796 No.130892
>>130847Incomprehensible story o algo
No.130893
>>129107yeah not a lot of amateurs put any characterization into background characters so i was pretty surprised by that
No.130894
>>130599No I don't agree
>>130602Falsenvke shitstone that nomymy cared about>>128880The trvth is OP Mymy is the single best character of Ongezellig and maybe even all of fiction. Don't believe me? Well what if I told you that I would never even consider re-watching Ongezellig once and I would definitely not obsess over it for years if it werent for Mymy. Mymy is the perfect character, she has captivated my mind and interest for years now I think about her every day. She has the perfect design, a charming and cute personality and she is chuddy. Only nophono would care about Ongezellig after all these years if Mymy wasn't a character, this is simply the truth that you are too afraid to acknowledge. Mymy outperforms any other character every thought of in fiction and you know this, Mymy is the sole reason Ongezellig had anymore screentime than like 5 minutes. Mymy is the sole reason any more Deels than the first one was made. You know this OP, stop lying. For the betterment of all our lives, stop living in denial, stop lying to yourself and to others. And (you) if you're reading this you know that Mymy
FVCKING VVON you'll realize one day if you haven't. Mymy won, Mymy's back hurts after carrying Ongezellig for years. I would never even remember the other girl's names if it weren't for Mymy that's how much she shines,
TOTAL MYMY VIKKKTORY No.130896
>>130894you need to stop taking stimulants, adhd isnt real you are just getting high and its ruining your brain
No.130901
>>130896I don't have ADHD I have Assburgers
>You need to stop taking stimulantsthings that will never happen
No.130902
>>130894not reading that so you're a shitskin niggerpedo that wants to rape mymy
No.130903
>>130894>not in Dutch / niet in het nederlandsgeg
No.130904
>>130901I wish this video was real
No.130905
>>130902>>130903Obsessed demoralising samefag go fuck yourself
No.130907
>>130901Don't scare me with these videos, one of these days it's going to happen though
No.130911
>>130905Nee,je houdt gewoon niet van Mymy, terwijl je weet dat ze van het Nederlands houdt
No.130920
>>130911Ik studeer Nederlands thuis, ik ben DTL (Dutch Third Language)
No.130921
>>130920Nederlands is mijn tweede taal. ik heb het geleerd omdat mijn Oma het sprak
No.131122
>>131119Hey did this pedo rate it 5 stars?
No.131123
>>131122says it right there
No.131124
>>131123Dox 'em
>>131119Also anything with an M or A rating is goonbait
No.131125
>>131119atleast it isn't agugu 'p or the Maya goon animation
No.131462
>>131461also Maya has a 5.6 average which is 0.1 above passing GEG
No.131463
>>129219i think this is xer idealizing the past and not an actual memory
No.131476
>>131461can someone whos esl as hell translate this please
No.131491
It says that maya is the ebodiment of the "sixes culture" (5.5 is the minimum to not fail and people want 6 to stay safe, basically saying she's doing the bare minimum to not fail her classes)
Mymy is a megalomaniac with a napoleoncomplex and the teacher says she really hates the kid. But she's also weak against bottles
No.132828
>>128880>Bullshit. Have you ever met a humble 8 year old?>I sincerly doubt that any child would be concerned about something as insignificant to them as timei think the point is that coco was forced to mature very fast due to the death of her parents so naturally she's going to be more humble and less childish than the rest even if she's very "naive". yes its a tired excuse but it makes sense for her character
>>What I want to be when I grow up: Very oldthis is just a completely normal thing for a kid to say when asked this question, you're reading too much into this
>I highly doubt she would've gotten a computer this young with a mother like Soei.but she did. also we dont know soei enough to jump to assumptions like that, it could be the family computer for all we know
>Again, I highly doubt that Maya wouldn't play sports with a mother like Soei.but she didnt. and again, we dont know enough about soei + not EVERY parent makes their kid do sports, especially if their kid is a girl
>I doubt that any child would have any concept of "paying attention" or even know that they're bad at it.she most likely wrote this after multiple scoldings from teachers or her parents, its not out of this world for a kid to be insecure about what they get scolded over
>>I really don't like: Schoolyeah this could have been much more interesting i agree
>What child hasn't loved going to an amusement park? An Aquarium? A Zoo?READ NIGGA READ. it says vacation COUNTRY. maya doesnt have one because she's likely never been to another country at that age unlike the others who are both foreigners
>I'm positive there are other things she wants more, like her cat.yeah what the fuck was massa thinking here
>>What I want to be: I dunnoagain, relatively normal thing for a kid to say when asked this question
you seem to think all children act in a very specific way while forgetting that the 'lig girls were never normal children to begin with, the three (yes even mymy) went through a lot from a very young age and thats what makes them interesting to begin with
No.132829
>>132738I do hope he followed my advice of more show, less tell
No.132830
>>132829Marge where was he telling? Am I retarded?
No.132833
>>132830We had a productive exchange with one another, and he seemed moved. I'm actually glad I was able to help him AND myself because I also needed to follow my own advice geg
<MISERY spacehttps://archiveofourown.org/comments/1180150161 No.132834
>>132833WHY ARE THERE 242 COMMENTS GEG
No.132835
>>132833he'll definetly apply your lessons, though maybe inconsistently at first as he is still new
No.132837
>>132835I want him to do well, he has so much potential. Compared to other fiktie writers, he stands out simply because he's willing to be rawer. Other suicide fics handle major character deaths so cliche-ly, that him writing something more original and grounded stands out because he stays true to his vision of telling us (so far) of a maya who wanted to kill herself and a coco who could not imagine her sister in any way besides what she thought she was
No.132838
>>132837tsmt. death and reborn made me really angry with how unrealistic it was, and I imagine that this story will (hopefully) do the "Maya tries to kill herself" trope justice
No.132842
>>132837That's because the fics are being written by cordtroons LARPers who have never ever experienced the incel life, so like all things, even their portrayal of suicide comes off as childish and unrealistic
No.132880
>>132842not everyone with depression is an incel thoughie, but still tsmt
No.132885
>>132880Depression in truecels and
>depressionAre two different things though
No.132890
>>132842ive noticed that writerfail seems to have restraint
he didnt explain as to why Maya tried to kill herself, because that's not relevant yet.
<MISERYspacehe also seems to trust the audience to understand things, and SHOWS more than he tells (though this is inconsistant)
he didn't write the immediate aftermath, because he just had to SHOW how tired Coco as a means of TELLING how exhausting it was
he didn't tell us how far the school is from the hospital, because Coco's calves spasming AND the nurse's shocked reaction SHOW that it is really far away
No.132931
>>132837call me retarded but I never understood what made a story “grounded”
No.132935
>>132931If it seems logical and like it could actually happen
A story about dragons and a fantasy world can still feel grounded if the story follows a logic and doesn't pull cards out of its ass to explain why a certain thing is possible/impossible or when the tone goes completely off the rails
No.133342
>>128909I wonder if this was the brown shooter
No.133347
>>133342The year is 2026 and Zaryans are shooterinvestigating random posters