No.128880[View All]
i was looking on the 'ru and saw these friend books that piss me off so much. here's my spergerald why:
<redditspace
Coco:
>I am good at: I don't want to brag
Bullshit. Have you ever met a humble 8 year old?
>I don't like: Wasting time
I sincerly doubt that any child would be concerned about something as insignificant to them as time
>Animal: Turritopsis Dohrnii
and
>What I want to be when I grow up: Very old
Are incredibly unsubtle in what it's trying to say. <Coco lost her parents! So she's like, le scared of death! So, she'd like thing that live forever and she'd like, wanna live forever!
Change her animal to something more realistic, as with all of the animals in South Africa, I doubt a child would pick something as ugly as a jellyfish. Change what she wants to be to something like a nurse or a vet, which shows she's always liked helping people (which is realistic!!!)
It's really, really on the nose.
Overall with this one: Very on the nose, and doesn't feel like a child wrote this.
<Redditspace
Maya:
>My Hobbies: Using the computer
I highly doubt she would've gotten a computer this young with a mother like Soei.
>My Sports: None
Again, I highly doubt that Maya wouldn't play sports with a mother like Soei.
>I'm not that good at: Paying attention
I doubt that any child would have any concept of "paying attention" or even know that they're bad at it. There are far more things that she could be bad at, but NOPE. Gotta go with the on the nose
<She was always bad at paying attention, which was like, le foreshadowing for le ADHD!
>I really don't like: School
This is really boring. There could've been so many interesting things here that she doesn't like that could've revealed more about her character, but Massa just decided to state the obvious.
>Vacation: Home
Bullshit. Just Bullshit. What child have you ever met that didn't like going on vacation? What child hasn't loved going to an amusement park? An Aquarium? A Zoo?
>My biggest wish: Not having to go to school anymore
I'm positive there are other things she wants more, like her cat.
>What I want to be: I dunno
Genuine, unfiltered, unimaginable bullshit. You cannot excuse something as stupid as this. Have you ever met an 8 year old that didn't want to be an Astronaut? A Racecar Driver? An F1 Driver? A Firefighter? Football Player? Superhero? It is so on the nose with
<Le Maya was never le happy!
Which is bullshit and boring. If Maya used to be happy and full of optimism and whimsy, it makes it far more interesting, and tragic, when she becomes bitter and cynical. Loss of innocence is really upsetting, but I can't feel bad for someone who was apparently never innocent (which is stupid)
Overall: This was trying way too hard to build sympathy for Maya, and it all falls apart when you think about it beyond a surface level. It feels like the expository crashout: It feels deep and insightful, but it's unrealistic, unimpactful, and incredibly shallow. I said it once and I'll say it again: Having Maya lose her innocence and whimsy is far more tragic and saddening than her never having them in the first place
<Redditspace
Mymy:
This will probably start some leakage, but I really don't like Mymy. She doesn't belong in a show as grounded as Ongezellig. She feels like she was taken from another show, and feels more like a gag-machine than an actual character. Massa literally said that she left for the Netherlands when she was 6 by sneaking out of Japan, and that she went there because she "Thought it was better." To me, this shows that Massa threw her in last second without much thought, and made her backstory that because he thought it was "funny" instead of actually trying to come up with an interesting explanation as to how she ended up in the Netherlands like Coco did. She should've honestly been cut from the show (or been relegated to a background character) and had Maya and Coco's relationship be center stage. But NOPE! Can't cut that because it's too funny, am I right? No need to worry that a wacky and zaney character will undercut my original intentions!
Anyway with my second sperg out of the way, it pisses me off that this is the only one that makes sense. It feels like someone who understands nothing about the world wrote it (LIKE A CHILD!!! *GASP* CRAZY!!!!!)
<Redditspace
overall, these friendbooks (and Maya's Sweet 16 in general) are trying way too hard to build sympathy and intrigue, but did in such an on the nose way, it makes the characters feel fake. It doesn't feel like I am reading the friend book of a real child with real thoughts, feelings, and desires. It feels like I'm reading from the script of Amazing Digital Circus with how unsubtle everything is.
<Redditspace
Little rant about Maya's Sweet 16:
This was such a wasted opportunity of a comic. The dream sequence is yet another example of Massa trying to build sympathy without taking the effort to build it naturally. Her dream sequence is practically grabbing you by the neck and screaming in your face YOU MUST FEEL BAD FOR HER! THIS IS SAD! SHE'S CRYING, SEE? DON'T YOU FEEL BAD?! It also jumps into it WAAAAY too quickly, and this is a consequence of the comic being too short.
Her vomiting to avoid celebrating her birthday and going to school also feels like a lazy excuse for Massa to not have to write anything "uncomfortable" that would've actually built sympathy. We could've seen how her self hatred results in her being overwhelmed with shame when show even a shred of gratitude from her sisters. We could've how she freezes up and doesn't know what to do when she's the center of attention. We could see how she's utterly incapable of functioning in a social setting, constantly on the verge of a panic attack if she has to so much as speak to anyone. We could see how she's shaky and anxious throughout the whole day, worried people are judging her for the slightest thing. All these thing stacking on top of each other and building tension, making the reader wonder if she's gonna be able to get through the day without having a meltdown.
But no, instead we just got her throwing up and never getting to see any of that.
What a waste of potential.
<Redditspace
TL;DR Massa is pretty bad at writing
449 posts and 106 image replies omitted. Click reply to view. No.135696
>>135622are you gonna do dis or no
No.135704
>>135696I will, but I don't feel too good right now. Sometime soon
No.135773
>>135749Already wrote my review. It's got bones but it could've been better. I like the implication that Soei got into a food coma and lost her sense of time because of it
No.136001
>>135773>tags:>will be finished in 2032 award>took three months to finish one chapter awardthis nigga definitely still lvrks here
No.136005
>>135390Lurk in threads for march-april 2024, that is where I found those. I had them once but ahem now I don't.
No.136437
>>136436I don't feel like doing it anymore
No.136438
>>136437Growing to hate his non-cord audience, goontaneous abandoned the rant out of spite
No.136441
>>136438i don't really feel like saying much because i've already exchanged with writerfail a lot on what he does well and what he could work on. if i just voice-record everything i've already said, it would just be effort for something i've already done. our threads are like 50 replies long, and i really just can't be bothered to repeat all of that. also, given how scant the work is at the moment, me ranting about speculations on what soei's role in the story is, if the zoey subplot is still gonna happen, if coco is a fucking schizo, if mymy's role will be similar to the pilot (be funny and nothing else), and especially if maya wakes up, i'm not really that kind of guy, because i prefer inputting on what's already out there instead of what's brewing.
No.136442
>>136441>zoey subploti thought he said in that thread that he wasnt doing that
>coco being schizomarge?
>IF maya wakes upshe's gonna wake up nigga its in the description she goes to the 'ward
No.136728
>>135476he still hasn't posted this
No.136729
>>136728Nigger I already ranted about DAR for over half an hour at
>>135564, and my chickens were involved. The link only could last three days since upload. I am not reuploading that shih, it's lost media now
No.136730
>>136729404 page so didn't happen
No.136735
>>136725>writerfail’s simile use is mocking other ficsvirtually no chance this is the case, people just like to use similes, not everything needs to be an elaborate metaphor about furniture or being
No.136738
>>136735WRONG it is because I say so
Also that was just me calling back to my previous rant
No.136763
>>136725do you have written notes like you did for DAR
No.136786
>>136763just check my reply threads to writerfail on chapters 2 and 3. that's as written as it gets
No.136909
>>136786>check the 3 gorillion comment thread under itnigga just summarize it or sum shit
No.136910
>>136909fine, you want me to write a review i'll write a review
No.138110
>>138108every single time
No.138112
>>138108AO3 creator darkwolf grew to hate the fanfiction's growing non-specific fanbase and subsequently cancelled MISERY out of spite.
No.138117
>>138109>>138110>>138112it fucking sucks that i gave him all the pointers he could use and he decides to just give up in spite of taking my criticisms fairly seriously and with openness. i genuinely gave him the best advice i could that helped him write better, so it obviously hurt me a bit that he just gives up like this. i gave his fic a chance, i did sing its praises as well as point out its flaws that could easily be worked around, and i myself am vulnerable (i split my consultation chapter in my vera fic in two because one guy said most of it was snca; i did it to fix pacing at the cost of losing the formality of one continuous scene).
<miseryspaceit hurts to see someone have potential and just throw away all the praise you have given them.
No.138119
>>138117>it hurts to see someone have potential and just throw away all the praise you have given themthe most brvtal massapill…
No.138121
>>138109HAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHA
No.138124
>>138108Remember it not as a failed novel, but a successful short story.
No.138185
>>138170>>138172Why do our best artists get demoralized every single time, while subhumans get to continue their foidslop without any worry in the world at all? Is there really something else at play?
No.138187
>>138185foenkie is funding troonslop artists while paying gemmy creators to quit
No.138216
>>138214>author noteim starting to think every ongezellig fanfiction is built upon non dutch larping as dutch
No.138217
>>138216yeah obviously. the majority of fans are not dutch and writing involves research to make it compelling and faithful
No.138218
>>138214this is a nice maya, so gemmy and brown
No.138373
>>138214Late response. It's an accessible fic but picrel made me chuckle against the preceding momentum of ||Vera not catching up to perform because she forgot to scan a QR code at a flyer||
'Them' as gender neutral would have worked because this fic is clearly queercoded but this was too funny. Overall though the fic is too emotionally transparent and accessible with the occasional politics.odt here and there. It doesn't really feel like a midlife crisis fic as much as it is about a very mildly inconvenienced woman, a fic about a forty-six year old woman who decided to do something that didn't go her way because she felt t. Nostalgia from le nineties. Except she doesn’t sound forty-six either but a teenager’s conception of one. Either terminally online zoomers or millennials call their cognition their ‘Mind Motel.’ It’s so bland, but it’s not something I should get mad over. I’ve already spent enough energy giving this fic a chance.
>Shut up ‘’shut up shut up!’’That is her interiority in Chapter 4 after ||she got thrown a curveball by her inability to read past the rest of a flyer|| Adults are not that hard to write. Yet she's generically underpaid, generically listens to Nirvana, while the Pilot references like the Jip en Janneke act as plot crutches that ought to be texture. It's fidelity to the Pilot that the gag she drinks nonalcoholic bubbelsap is consistent with her character; it's also the reason why this fanfic is as generic as it is, because it uses fidelity to the Pilot as its emotional ceiling. The A.D.D. callback gave me secondhand embarrassment because it, as the philosopher Peter Griffin once stated, ‘insists upon itself.’ maybe_unless was also insistent on using ‘crwth’ as a word twice in xer fic to cement xe knows about this instrument ofzo.
<letterspaceIt doesn’t excavate further beyond the labels that were plastered on Vera (Nirvana, Jip en Janneke, history teacher, Holland) and even then two of those labels are
wrong. The text doesn’t specify if Vera is a first- or second-rate history teacher, stating that she got a ‘promotion’ even though that doesn’t happen in the education sector (first and second rate are qualifications; the ‘promotions’ maybe_unless was supposed to be reaching for was salary grade increase in whatever rate of teaching Vera is in xer fic; ~~my mother is an educational administrator, I know how this shit works~~) let alone could the text be bothered where in ‘Holland’ she is. And, as far as I’m concerned since I asked my Dutch friend this, they hate it when you call the Netherlands just ‘Holland.’
<letterspaceIt's not really derivative as much as it is just “Here's Vera Persijn in fanfic register. Don’t you get that she’s old and struggling to cope with the signs of the times!” I’m not really disappointed in it, but it’s like bathing in a kiddie pool and you’re 22. It reads as too overtly cautious to actually make you genuinely sympathise with Vera, you only get the understanding that she’s bothered without really getting into her head. The misophonia may be relatable to those who have it, but as a conditional for the medical condition itself, not Vera as a person, who sounds a lot like Maya’s peer and not the adult in the room. It’s heavy handed in forcing you to feel, not letting the text speak for itself. You have no input to make as you read, you just receive. And frankly, reading is not just reception as it is also active interpretation of whatever the author meant, except the author is so crystal clear in what they want you to feel that when I, as reader, wanted to read a Vera fic where I feel for her—I instead read a Vera fic where she feels and I read how she feels. It’s something worth reading for someone exploring the adult character in a teen-adjacent register, but for someone like me extremely curated to Vera Persijn as enthusiast and author of a fan work dedicated to her, reading Letters is me drinking Kool-Aid after being a chronic Gossips Cabernet Sauvignon drinker.
No.138378
>>138220Zaryans is the netherlands white?