/zellig/ - Ongezellig

Every single day of my life is the same. I sit here in front of my computer, type Soyzellig.party in my URL bar, and begin browsing. For hours and hours, I bump gems; I participate on the ‘planet. I used to try to make OC or post interesting threads, but no one ever replies. So now I just spam bait. Every once in awhile someone falls for my bait thread, maybe for that short moment they were seething. Typically the thread quickly dies, and no one even cares. Most of the time I just gaze at the catalog watching my threads slowly leave the page into a pool of SNCA. I don’t have it in me to samefag in my own threads to keep them up, or become an active namefag on the ‘Zooru for attention. I don’t have the same energy I had when I was 17, I feel really frustrated. Sometimes I might talk with some other so-called ‘Zaryans’ on the ‘cord using voice-chat. We call ourselves ‘friends’ but something about our relationship feels very hollow. I feel like I can only laugh, and have a good time, if the people I’m laughing and having a good time with are using Zelligspeak. I hate my mom, I hate my dad, I am not normal. I feel depressed, like, this is not healthy. And it’s really hard to find words for these emotions. I think we need new words for what it’s like to live on the Zarty, because the words we use to describe our feelings are invented by people who lived in the real world, not by people on the Zarty. Like for example, I kind of feel like I am bored, but bored is not the right word, because I am constantly entertaining myself and staving off boredom. When you are bored, you can at least think. I can’t think, because my brain is foggy and filled with Agugu and funny OC I’ve seen. I also sort of feel tired, but I’m not actually tired because I can never sleep. People blame it on the blue light of the screen, not getting sun, or lack of exercise. But I think the problem is a certain energy remains in me that is not supposed to stay inside and we are not designed to have in us. I also often feel like I am doing work, but I am not doing anything that would contribute to my future in any meaningful way. I just create OC, and my reward is for the people on the TND Girls website finding it funny and calling it a gem. Neither work or leisure. The one normal feeling I can definitely feel is seethe. I need seethe. It’s the only thing that gets this tension out of me, and I basically use any excuse to start seething. I think I can say that I love seething, I love leaking, and I love falling for bait on purpose. I am constantly seeking out the most obsessed Reddit and Xitter bait that makes me seethe and get more and more sensitive to leaking my clitty. So in a certain way, all the obsessed Reddit, Reels, and Xitter cucks on the Zarty are needed. And even though I go ape and clitty leak at the most obvious bait, I actually really need these baiteralds to exercise all these bad feeling in my mind.