Markup /drenthe/27218

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I don't think I've ever been happy, I was only happy as a child but at that age you're barely sentient so does it count?

I don't know where to begin, first off I'm sorry that I'm making you read this and if you do not want to feel emotionally worse then just stop reading this. I do not matter, the least I can do is at least not be a burden on (you).


I will never be truly happy, I've been in love with Mymy since I was 13 (18 now) and she will never be truly real. She will never be able to feel my love for her, even if I've never been with a real woman in my life or even held hands with one. I often see real couples around me, and they clearly don't love eachother the way I love Mymy. They argue, they cheat, they betray eachother. 

Why do I not get Mymy? Why do I, who actually adores and genuinely loves someone never get to give that love to the girl I feel so strongly for. But it's not just that, I will have to get a job soon enough. After you begin school your life is no longer yours, you will go to school and then get a job. Getting up unbearably early every day to waste most of your day slaving away for some greedy pig who would kill you if he could earn from it.

The fact is also that I fell in love with Mymy, when she was three years older than me. Now I'm two years older than her, she won't get older, And my love for her will just grow increasingly questionable to anyone from the outside. 

Not to mention the fact that everytime I step outside I am forced to take in the ethnic replacement of my people. The people who will be a minority in their own lands by 2050.

I am in a depressive spiral as I write this, I don't experience them too often so don't worry for me. I also have a genetic predisposition towards depression. 

If you reading this feel worried about my saftey, then don't. I will still most likely go on into my late or mid twenties before I end myself. And you will never know when I do, for I never truly mattered.