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Interesting first person perspective. I think understanding what led you to this and communicating it externally is a good start, It's really annoying to not have anyone to talk to, I know. Being ND is too unpredictable for people to understand so everything is seen through an irrational lens. Look, if you kill yourself there won't be any afterlife of any kind, you understand that you don't want to do it, because you try to alleviate this with a positive thing, such as experiencing happiness because you get to extend your already existing conciousness to a new life that you never got to fully experience, there's ways to compensate about that if necessary. After which nothing is stopping you from having a life of your choosing. For now the best thing I can recommend is getting enough sleep, eating natural food and letting sunlight and fresh air into your house, then just chill, be happy and think about what is really fulfilling to you. But then again im just some guy on the internet and I mostly speak from experience. If you believe a psychologist or therapist or whatever would help why not go for it?